Finding His Hand

Today I prayed for recognition in how Heavenly Father helped me in my life today where there was divine intervention and that I could find gratitude for it.  Today it came in the form of a simple prayer I mumbled as I drove home with Jessa after meeting up with a friend.  I hate icy roads, snowy roads... anything other than clear roads really and so I silently and simply asked if Heavenly Father would allow for the lights to be green the entire way home so that I would not have to stop and panic causing our van to fishtail.  As I met the first green light I whispered a prayer of thanks and as the second, then third, fourth, and fifth light all stayed green hitting yellow than red just as I passed through showed me that Heavenly Father was ever mindful of me.  It may seem like such a simple thing but ever since having Jessa I have had panic attacks driving in Edmonton and so it was a blessing the entire way home as each light I met with what I needed it to be to drive with confidence.  Oh how mindful the Lord is of us.  Tonight it was a blessing also to get out of the house as I met with a friend tonight at Starbucks and  away from the daily focus on school, family, and work and focus on helping others.  My friend Fernando and I chatted about our future goals in life and bounced ideas back and forth about what would be our best choices of action.  I helped him fix up his resume and chatted with him about interview questions and he asked me what course of action he should take.  Now he is not a member and so as we talked it was interesting when he asked for advice the first thing I wanted to tell him was to pray and ask Heavenly Father what to do.  But I had to stop myself quickly when I remembered that I don't know exactly where he stands in terms of religion.  This was the gentle reminder that I needed in my own life that Heavenly Father truly does know best and will guide us where we need to go and be.

Lost...

Do you remember the movie Lilo and Stitch when Lilo realizes that he doesn't remember who he was created by and Lilo offers her acceptance and love even when he destroys all the things around him?  So Stitch takes the Ugly Duckling story and goes off into the woods and opens it up to realize he like the ugly duckling is lost.  Lilo and Stitch is one of my favorite stories and yesterday an overwhelming power came over me and I felt that same way Just lost.

So many times I have come to ask the question of why I am faced with the challenges I have and am struggling to gain acceptance that even through my hardest trials that I have not been forgotten.  I know I talked about not praying for the longest time because I felt abandoned by the Lord but I have learned a greater lesson not praying and being casual in our worship is just as bad.  Those feelings of despair and disappointment did not leave and I didn't find the peace I was seeking.  You can't offer the same prayer over doing it half-heartedly because I learned the hard way that this still doesn't bring the peace you will seek.  So again after months in casual worship I prayed to have a purified heart... to remove all the pain, anguish, and hurt... hurt that as many times as I have tried to research about forgiveness through a psychology perspective I have learned that the peace that we seek only will truly come from the Savior.  I love the new Relief Society Presidency and really appreciated the talk, "The Lord Has Not Forgotten You"  I listened to it today after I worked out and knew that that talk was a gift from Heavenly Father to me today as a reminder that He is there; willing to be my friend, my confidant, my everything if I will stop placing a wall between our relationship.  I appreciated that Sister. Reeves allows us to see her natural man as well and how she learned from it, and I now know like her that I can be healed of the anguish I face.  "Many years ago my husband became very ill with a rare disease. As the weeks went by and the sicker he became, the more I became convinced that he was dying. I told no one of my fears. We had a large, young family and a loving, eternal marriage, and the thought of losing my husband and raising my children by myself filled me with loneliness, despair, and even anger. I am ashamed to say that I pulled away from my Heavenly Father. For days I quit praying; I quit planning; I cried. I finally came to the realization that I could not do this alone.

For the first time in many days, I knelt down and poured out my heart to my Father in Heaven, pleading for forgiveness for turning away from Him, telling Him all of my deepest feelings, and finally crying out that if this was what He really wanted me to do, I would do it. I knew He must have a plan for our lives.

As I continued on my knees to pour out my heart, the sweetest, most peaceful, loving feeling came over me. It was as if a blanket of love was flowing over me. It was as if I could feel Heavenly Father saying, “That was all I needed to know.” I determined never to turn away from Him again.

Just as the Lord has testified to me that He has not forgotten His precious daughter Mollie Lenthal, I testify that He has not forgotten you! Whatever sin or weakness or pain or struggle or trial you are going through, He knows and understands those very moments. He loves you! And He will carry you through those moments, just as He did Mary and Martha. He has paid the price that He might know how to succor you. Cast your burdens upon Him. Tell your Heavenly Father how you feel. Tell Him about your pain and afflictions and then give them to Him. Search the scriptures daily. There you will also find great solace and help.

Our Savior asked:

“For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. …

“… I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands.”

Sometimes I think we all forget that we are children of a loving God who is always mindful of us but what touched my heart today and allowed me to recognize the love that I was seeking was the tender reminder that we really have been graven upon the Saviour's palms.  

Gentle Reminders

I woke up this morning so looking forward to church and the peace I knew I would find there.  I was looking forward to Sacrament Meeting and knowing that my cup was empty and ready to be filled.  So when we got to church to find that the time had jumped forward one hour and we were actually late by an hour for church instead of early my heart sank.  How could this have happened to me but I learned so quickly that everything is in God's hands.  Today was a day that felt so guided by Him, so enriched and so blessed.  I learned so humbly again that I need to stop forcing my will on Heavenly Father but allow His will to work through me.  For a long long time I have felt so distant from the Lord and betrayed by things that have happened to me in the past couple of years and I continually asked why God would let these things happen to me and the answer has always been the same.

Mosiah 3:19 "19 For the ^anatural ^bman is an ^cenemy to God, and has been from the ^dfall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he ^eyieldsto the enticings of the ^fHoly Spirit, and ^gputteth off the ^hnaturalman and becometh a ⁱsaint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a ^jchild, ^ksubmissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."

And I continued to ask why, why did you send this affliction for me to endure if I was just to submit my will... I thought I knew I would, in my heart I felt I would... but again I just didn't understand and so Heavenly Father has taught me in so many quiet and gentle loving ways.  

One way in which this gentle reminder came was a blog post by Adeye at No Greater Joy Mom.  Here is a lady who is so willing to follow what Heavenly Father has asked and after a great leap of faith almost faced the death of some of her children to an illness that invaded their household... and her quiet words were the gentle reminder from God that no one is immune even when we follow His will...  Adeye says below,

"I don't know why God chooses to do the things He does.  I will never understand His ways this side of heaven.

But ever so slowly, I am beginning to get it.

The valley too is a beautiful place to be...

It's where the light of Christ shines brightly.

Where profound and lasting lessons are learned.

And where we come out on the other side knowing that our Father in heaven is alive and well and more than able to carry our burdens."


Oh what a reminder I needed that Heavenly Father loves us and we need Him.  I have felt so betrayed by something that I will never share on my blog or will I tell a lot of people but it is something that has lead me to a great internal struggle that I have had.  I have prayed and pondered and reflected and tonight was taught the importance of just submitting to His will.  Elder David A Bednar just talked at a CES broadcast that has forever changed my view of heaven.  I will never know why Heavenly Father gave me that trial but I need to always remember that is better not to shake than to not survive.  Our gift of faith is so important to hold dear and close to our hearts and so with a resolute and resounding affirmation of yes we can follow the example of Adeye and remember that it is in this life where profound and lasting lessons are learned.  

Success!!

For date night this week, J decided that we should go swimming.  The pool we often frequented before Jessita was born was closed for renovations so we headed to the Y.  I was nervous to say the least... with bebita's history with the water I was not sure how this was going to pan out and I definitely didn't want her drinking chlorinated pee water...But we got there and she didn't drink it at all!  Woot go baby J!!

Look what she can do!

I can't believe how the days have slipped so quickly through my fingers... life here at the Cristancho household has definitely been life on the go... running here and there and everywhere... Well really it seems each month is busy if I have places that need to be rented.  I find it interesting being gone for a while from blogging that each time I come back it is harder and harder to write and I struggle to know what to say.

Jessa is becoming more fun as each day passes and really is becoming a ham.  She loves loves loves music, laughing, making faces and talking with grandparents on facetime!  This past month for baby J has been one that has been more difficult for poor little girl due to tummy problems.  Jessa didn't start eating solids until after Christmas time really and so it has been hard for her as she has tried to digest the things that she has been introduced to.  Finally the past week I didn't know what else to do when Jessa was pooping and her poor little bottom was bleeding because of constipation.  I took her to the doctor and he suggested I give her prune juice.. and it wasn't working... oh sometimes I just need to learn to be humble because as I prayed the answer was to stop giving her food.  Just straight breast milk and within a day she was out of the park with her tummy problems.  I have come to the conclusion that poor little jessa's tummy is just not par to where it should be yet.  She was still in January waking up struggling with gas problems.  As I dealt with the constipation it wasn't until just this month past as I worked to figure out the tummy issue that Gripewater the non alcoholic kind worked to help Jessa with her gas.  Blowing wind past that one, Jessa is proving to be my little love bug more and more.  On Valentine's day J gave daddy his long awaited present and said dadadada all day and night long. J was ecstatic to hear it as he waited a long time but baby J is a stinker and uses mama and dada sparingly.  Jessa actually later this month surprised both J and I with her first word that she uses very very sparingly and only when she is upset and crying and I haven't answered her call.  I asked J to rock Jessa to sleep one night and she was busy fussing and not settling and was busy gabbering away getting angrier and angrier.  Finally she stopped and started to repeat over with her arms outstretched to me, "mum, mum, mum, mum, ma, ma" and continued with mamamama until J got her to sleep.  Oh I love my little button.  This morning I was on the phone and Jessa is a little too much like me she is very very timid to try new things.  Jessa is nervous to crawl still and will rock on all fours hoping that we will pick her up, she has tried to go but has face planted every time she has tried.  J was letting her fuss a bit today to see if she would crawl as I was taking a call for work and Jessa finally gave up fussing and called "mum" and of course I cam running to pick her up.  Oh I love Jessa and I'll say it over and over again.  My favorite times this past month have been as Jessa has wormed her way across the bed when we are playing to fall into my arms for a hug or grabbing mr.hubbins and I pulling herself up and then leaning her head on our shoulders as if to say thanks!

The last thing I'll share about Jessa or maybe two things that is so funny is Jessa loves music and will rock back and forth and sway, clap her hands, to the music  she loves baby laptime and loves to smile and watch the other babies. Jessa has discovered the power of her voice and likes to scream ahhh!! repeatedly a lot Jessa is so fun!!

What I can do: (for Jessa)

• I smile really big and scrunch my nose when you say "cheese"
• I sit up on my own and no longer fall over
• I say googoo gaagaa, mama, baba, dada, ahhh, 
• I can sign all done and am working on more
• I like to read books and can turn the pages one by one with some assistance
• I can go from sitting to laying on my stomach or into a crawling stance
• I rock back and forth and sometimes move my hands
• I can pull myself up from sitting to standing if I am the same size as the object
• I weigh 14 pounds
• I can type: ]\r]iiiiiiijoHG:??UJ

\"