It's interesting how one comment can totally change how you view things. Today I have been struggling to finish up some assignments that are both due tomorrow, well one is due next week but we are supposed to have a rough draft done for this class. I wrote the english one and struggled to finish it after I got some mean and nasty comments from my philosophy "science" professor who stated that my excessive use of quotes paralleled me perilously close to plagiarism... okay?! So out of the six years I have been to university you seem to be the ONLY professor I have ever met who seems to have this issue. It has been a hard pill to swallow with university and some of the professors lack of true care for their students has me feeling discouraged and beaten down.
I think this has started to bother me more and more because of what I am taught in education. I catch myself struggling to understand why professors are doing things we have been told are super unprofessional and a bad reflection of what a teacher should look like. I didn't want this to actually become a blog worthy post but every time I have tried to start on this paper I have for school I freeze up. I sweat. I clam up. and I put it off even though a rough draft is due in a mere 18 hours... I feel a little bit angry at myself that I am allowing someone who has a sadistic nature to affect me so much. I know that mark does not reflect who I am and my loving momma who is my constant cheerleader explained that in the end that one mark will not matter because of the curve and just who this man is... that I can move past this.
But I am feeling I am living a nightmare I had in the past all over again. A couple of years ago I snapped in my first year of college as I was trying hard to get into BYU to start a new life there and establish my own life as an independent girl. I remember spending hours on an assignment that I had done my best effort at it wasn't slapped together and I got the assignment back to find out many of my classmates who spent less time on the assignment, like did it the night before, had done way better than I had. I snapped for some reason and I cried a lot with the days that followed. I left school early and tried to get my mind off of it and I just couldn't keep it together. I questioned if I had set unrealistic goals for myself of trying to get into BYU, I questioned if all this effort was really worth it. I had a hard time for about two days where I just couldn't hold it together and had to get a priesthood blessing because I felt like my whole world had come crashing down on me. I know it sounds silly but it is so discouraging to try your best to actually put the effort in and feel like your work is being marked unfairly based on what others think or feel you should think.
I remember how hard that time in my life was and how turning to TurboJam became my life saver. I went to talk with that professor after I was able to figure myself out and she said that because she saw my potential she marked me a lot harder than other classmates. At the time I thought this was unfair and unprofessional but she pushed me in a way that when I finished my second year in her classes I came out as one of her top students. While this turned out to be an opportunity to learn and understand how others view me, I just don't feel the same confirmation of peace in trying to feel this way this time around. I keep thinking back to this philosophy science professor who has a class of 200 students, who claims that in my essay I made it clear about the opinion he was seeking for but that I needed to be able to qualify for unseen arguments that would present themselves. So pretty much you just told me because you disagree with my points you failed me on an essay?!... All I can do is shake my head.
So now that my rant is over and done... I feel like I am airing out my dirty laundry for all to see... I think I am considering getting a good old private blog for my eyes only... but I think about how important these entries will be for my children when they have similar experiences or for someone who stumbles across my blog. I love school a lot but I am finding just with how hard I work and being pregnant has become really disheartening. I feel like my brain is unattached from my head and it decided to take a perma-vacation or "strike" while my baby cupcake finishes baking. Oh please come back to me once baby comes. I still need you to function. Thanks!
ps. I am sorry I cram you full of useless information that you and I both know we will never use again but I do appreciate that you allow me to recall it in desperation for exams that I write. I promise once school is finished I will not put you through this type of torture again!
I couldn't sleep... I tossed and turned for over an hour so I got up and tried to think of what to write about in my life. I feel like life is at a standstill right now where big things are happening and I am a tad bit apprehensive to step into the whirlwind of events that are going to happen and find it easier to look back; even though I know we have been warned against this. Sometimes I wish I was younger and living back at home where all I had to focus on was school and chores. My momma took care of the rest of keeping me fed, paid for and happy... but now man oh man I am starting to get a bit nervous.
I feel like life is taking me in very opposite directions of where I want to go and where I need to go. I am feeling a bit fed up with school I am not going to lie in the least. After this semester I have a couple of spanish classes and my teaching practicum to do. I am almost done but still am feeling far from completion. I am feeling a bit discouraged because I super bombed an assignment I spent forever on and did better on an exam than I thought for the same class... How is it that me whoooo has test anxiety scores a 10% grade higher on a test I panicked my way through than an assignment I spent days on. This has left me feeling apprehensive about the rest of the semester and discouraged. But as I was pondering why this has happened the way it has I started to think, isn't that such a downfall in our society where we are told our value based on a mark we got in a class, in an assignment or on a test. It brought me back to the reality of life and how I needed to look at this in the eternal perspective. This paper in a year or five years or ten years is NOT going to matter. Heavenly Father is not going to ask me how well I did in school, He will ask me however how I did at reading my scriptures, saying my prayers, striving to be like the Saviour. That is what is going to matter. Now don't get me wrong I am not going to give up but I know that I can't focus on that grade... because in the end it won't matter. But in getting a mark I was shocked at getting and cried over I realized that in this lesson of life it taught me to be a bit more understanding towards mr. hubbins when he stresses about school and my future students and children I will deal with.
I wish sometimes I could go back to the times where I have been less understanding and more judging than I need to be. I wish I could be more like the Saviour but I guess that is why we have the opportunity to repent and to strive to do better the next day. I am learning a day at a time.
“Because love is the great commandment, it ought to be at the center of all and everything we do in our own family, in our Church callings, and in our livelihood. Love is the healing balm that repairs rifts in personal and family relationships. It is the bond that unites families, communities, and nations. Love is the power that initiates friendship, tolerance, civility, and respect. It is the source that overcomes divisiveness and hate. Love is the fire that warms our lives with unparalleled joy and divine hope. Love should be our walk and our talk.”
- Pres. Dieter F Uchtdorf
Yesterday in sunbeams, J came and helped me for the first little bit and the last part of the class. It was so nice to have him there because it really really helped with him there. The little girl who is likely to have three to four temper tantrums in class started but I was prepared before hand and with mr hubbins there to back me up she knew she was out numbered. I had to revert back to how I was taught to deal with problems when I did one of my practicums at James Short Memorial Elementary in Calgary for their Early Development Center. I remember my mentor whenever one of the children were at the start of the temper tantrum would just act super disgusted and say "Oh! No thank you!!" It would result in children being taken aback and stop what they were doing and so I started doing that with this little girl. But having J there and backing me up in whatever I would do really helped. Man she still has a huge attitude and when I try to get her to participate in class she makes really snarky comments I just ignore them. When L decided to temper tantrum when I wanted to take the craft they made home to complete it she was about to tantrum and I said fine take it and you don't get a butterfly next week. She started to complain to J and J said oh well I can't do anything if you take it you don't get anything next week. E will get a butterfly and you won't. She complained a lot but finally decided to leave her craft so it could be finished.
I finally have been on a route for visiting teaching and I can feel the blessings already in my life in the visit I have done this month. We had two sisters cancel at the last minute so that was sad but it is nice to visit sisters who are on my same level. It as amazing to hear the same things I have felt that my sisters I visit feel it also. I came home from visiting teaching with a greater love for J and all that he does. We weren't talking about husbands at all but I feel like it is an added measure of blessing that Heavenly Father has given me. And that was my Sunday <3 I am so grateful for a supportive husband and his kindness and love.
Lately I have been thinking that too much of our time we focus on our bodies and are going to the extremes to look better and better. I love all the concern people have with telling me how I should eat and how I should exercise to lose weight while pregnant but listen here I am doing the best I can with what I have got at the moment. Instead of pointing out my faults lets celebrate the success of me not gaining lots of weight. Five pounds is nothing for my entire pregnancy, let's cheer to that and when baby comes lets focus on the weight loss then...
I came across this blog a while ago called the Well- Rounded Mama and she summed it up better than I ever could. I might not be the skinniest or have the cutest baby bump because I have some voluptuous curves that add to my tummy but I am going to celebrate my body just the way it is and how hard it is working. With that in mind, let's turn to a wise mama's words,
"Sadly, in our society, pregnancy is often used as a time to make women feel neurotic or guilty about their bodies. However, pregnancy is an incredible opportunity for body love and body image healing. It offers a tremendous chance to do many years' worth of healing, compressed into a short amount of time. Instead of hating on your body, try embracing your body instead. Marvel that the miracle of growing a new baby can occur in a lush body as well as a sparse one. Give yourself credit for all the things your body is doing right. Embrace the changes that pregnancy and birth bring to your body, for they are the Tiger Stripe Emblems of Honor that mark your experiences as a mother.
Remember this, for it is as true as true gets:
Your body is NOT a lemon.
You are not a machine. The creator is not a careless mechanic. Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth as well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo.
Even if it has not been your habit throughout your life so far, I recommend that you learn to think positively about your body. -Ina May Gaskin
Let's all say hallelujiah! and accept how beautiful our bodies are :) Have a very happy Saturday
“each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. … Harmony in marriage comes only when one esteems the welfare of his or her spouse among the highest of priorities. When that really happens, a celestial marriage becomes a reality, bringing great joy in this life and in the life to come.”- Elder Nelson
Yesterday I received a call from my visiting teacher and it was a nice surprise. February had come and gone and so she asked if we could talk over the phone and she could share her message and I thought that this would be alright and so we chatted for about 45 minutes. My visiting teacher has become a great friend to talk to and I love her visits for it's a really nice time to just have someone want to talk and listen to you with all judgments aside.
Well last night as we chatted, marriage came up. My visiting teacher although probably about ten years older than I got married around the same time as I did and so it has been nice to talk about the changes that come into your life and have someone who is going through all those beautiful changes at the same time you are. In talking she said she had noticed that the relationship between J and I had changed and things seemed different that we were closer and happier than when she first met us. Somehow babies really change things and it is like there is a stronger resolution to draw nearer to the Saviour than ever before and fight harder against the adversaries of the satan. Well that's how it has been for J an I anyways.
I really hate, and I know hate is a strong word, when people make out marriages to be fairytales and that you live happily ever after as soon as you walk out of the doors of the temple for it isn't that way. I love being married with all my heart but it is a lot of work and takes a lot of dedication and self- discipline to look at your own faults and try to change rather than point out your spouse's faults. As my vt and I were talking about marriage she said something that her brother had said to her that had a profound impact on my thinking and I thought it was important to share. She started out by saying "my brother married a real piece of work, and I love her with all my heart, but sometimes she is really hard to get along with for our family. So one day in talking to my brother about marriage he said something wise beyond his years. He said we have been promised by Heavenly Father that the greatest blessings we receive here on this earth will come through the bonds of marriage. So what this means is that the relationship we have with our spouse is going to be the most trying relationship we will have and the one where we will learn the most. The relationship we have with our spouse will be the one that allows us to be refined by the refiner's fire and become the person that the Lord expects us and needs us to be."
Isn't that just awe-inspiring? When you think about it that way and all the trials that come your way and often I have wondered in the past why me? why now? why us? and yet now it all seems to make sense. My family has noticed a change about me and they say I have grown a lot. I am less judgmental of others and strive to be more compassionate with my family and extended relations. Marriages are a great blessing of the Lord.
Now I wasn't actually going to share this on my blog but today as I woke up to read scriptures on the LDS website I came across the article "Marriage can fulfill the Soul's most worthy yearnings" and found that it fit right into what has helped J and I in our past struggles. I just love how it starts, "“Marriage is the shelter where families are created,” President Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles says. “Marriage is yet safe, with all its sweet fulfillment, with all its joy and love. In marriage all of the worthy yearnings of the human soul, all that is physical and emotional and spiritual, can be fulfilled.”"
With baby cupcake coming soon I just found this quote and this lesson so profound. In becoming parents we need to make our home a heaven here on earth and allow a shelter of refuge from the evils of the world. I love being married and love how it has helped me to grow in numerous ways. J is so special to me in my life and I love the time I get to spend learning about him more and striving to find ways to strengthen our relationship, home, and future family.
So if you are having a bad day my words of wisdom are chin up, you're too young to have three! and just realize how much the Lord loves you and blesses you. If you're not married don't stress or worry say I love you to your future spouse today by doing the things that will draw you closer to the Saviour. For those of you who are married keep going :) the Lord will guide you as He needs you to grow for this is the greatest lesson I have learned in my small time of being married.
Baby my oh my! It is officially 28 weeks that you have been in my tummy and you are becoming more active than ever. This week you taught me a valuable lesson that I want you to know and always hold dear to your heart. Ever since I have been able to feel you move inside of me I feel so happy, excited and comforted to know that you are happy healthy and growing in there. For the past two weeks I was worried because lots of times I wouldn't feel you move as much and this worried me a lot, so I said a prayer the other day that I would be able to always be aware of your movements. I have felt your movements a lot but I have had to be consciously aware and not be too busy to be notice them.
Last night I woke up and flipped over after drinking some cold cold water to see if I could feel you move and I did, they were lighter movements than others but you were definitely in there and doing fine. And suddenly I had an Aha! moment. Your movements are such a comfort to me that I became comfortable and used to what you were doing and I realized that this is a lot like the Holy Ghost. I know sometimes because I have had the blessing to have it constantly with me that sometimes I take the presence for granted and not always allow myself to be constantly in tune or recognizing the spirit and what it could be telling me to do. So this week I am going to pray and try to actively and constantly be quiet enough to listen and hear what the Holy Ghost is trying to tell me. So thank you baby for the lesson you taught me :)
Some fun facts about you this week:
You are the size of a rutabaga and should still weigh about 2.2 pounds
Your lungs produce surfactant, which is a detergent like substance that helps the lungs inflate rather than collapse.
Your brain that used to be smooth is now getting wrinkly... I think this means your brain is getting more complex and allows your thinking to become more sophisticated
Baby likes to play shy shy when ever I try to get anyone to touch my tummy when you are being active you will stop and play shy. Sometimes it drives me crazy because I want to share my excitement with family but silly silly you always stop.
You like to sit really low still and press against my bladder, it feels like you are tickling me on the inside it feels so weird :)
contemporary culture for your role models and mentors.
Please look to your faithful mothers for a pattern to follow.”
- Elder. M. Russell Ballard
I apologize for the hiatus from the last couple of days! I have been meaning to write in my blog but just haven't had a lot of time to do so. This week has been a break from school which has brought some much needed relief and my dear momma came to visit after my in-laws did, so it has been such a heart-warming and love filled week. I really miss my mom and today when she left I am not going to lie I cried.
My mom truly is my best friend and understands me in a way that no one else ever will and I love her for that. We have been through thick and thin together and I am grateful that I went to a private school where I had many struggles because it brought me closer to her. We may have some typical mother daughter disagreements and fights but she is one of my rocks that I really rely on. I am excited to be having a baby girl now because this means that hopefully I can form the same type of friendship and bond that I have with my momma. After my mom left today I really was pondering about whether J and I made the best decision to move away from Calgary for school because of how close we were with our parents and while it really was the hardest decision we ever had to make I have realized it is best. Just for the sheer fact that we were so close close to our families that in order to be the strongest together we needed to try to make it on our own and we have come closer together. But I know that both of us miss our families like crazy.
The past couple of days have been really fun with having my mom here. J and I had time to sit with her and talk with no distractions and really talk it was nice. My mom and I went shopping a lot and had lots of fun. J's momma had bought us a car seat but unfortunately I was not loving it so she said it was okay to take it back and get another one. So J got his jogging stroller and with my momma's help I got my Graco Snugride I was wanting. I love that it has metal snaps instead of the plastic and it is so cozy snug where the baby bottom is. So I am excited to know that things are underway in the baby world and on the right track so we are more prepared than ever. So I am grateful that we had both mommas here to help us out a lot.
My mo-mo also helped me a lot with some stress with a lady who was still causing problems in the ward and she taught me that the best way to deal with problems is through conflict resolution and not get contentious. IN her example and what she taught me led me to humbly accept that I am not perfect and I have a lot to work on in myself. I am happy to have a mom who encourages and leads me especially when I have done everything in my power to fix the problem myself. It seems like there is light to the end of that dark tunnel and I hope and pray it is done. But I sure am feeling gratitude for parents a lot right now and how helpful they have been.
It is weird how quiet our apartment is now that everyone is gone now that J is at work so I don't know what else to do with myself other than go back to studying and getting back on track with the life of university. But I feel lonely today with everyone gone.
Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.
~Berthold Auerbach
When I went to primary yesterday I noticed something about baby and it made me understand how important it is to raise our family in the gospel. My baby loves music and becomes very active whenever we turn music on but I have noticed that her kicks are stronger and more noticeable as any church music is being played. It is almost like she is trying to listen just a bit more closely to the words that are being sung. It seems as if before babies are tainted by the world in bringing one down to forget who they are and where they come from that babies know exactly how important they are and what role they have to play on earth. I have been listening to church music a lot more because it calms me down with all the stress I am facing and I know that baby is feeling the affects of it too. I just love how she so readily responds to the music that brings such an outpouring of the spirit and a knowledge of how much Heavenly Father loves us.
This weekend has been one that has opened my eyes in various ways and answered so many prayers. I feel closer to J and our marriage has been strengthened in ways that I am so so so grateful for and a lot has to do with family members coming around, where contention has been replaced with a feeling of love. I definitely have come to know and gain a testimony of how powerful and real the power of the holy ghost is but also the power of Satan. In numerous blessings I have been given even before I was married I have been warned about the power of Satan and how he will do anything in his power to destroy my family and I have felt that often from day one of my marriage, and especially now since being pregnant.
I have always heard that babies are blessings and miracles and even before little cupcake comes I know how much she has been the band-aid in many of my relationships with extended family members. My mother in law and I are closer than we ever were before and I can honestly say that she has become one of my best friends who I know I can rely on and trust to turn to in times of need. She has been wonderful about being a support to us financially in terms of getting things for baby and making sure that we have everything taken care of before baby girl comes into the world. I am awed about how giving she is for us at this time and so supportive of my pregnancy now. The bigger my tummy gets the more outpouring of love I feel from her and that has been wonderful.
On Saturday J's parents came to visit for an over-night trip and it was really nice to have them here. We were able to form closer friendships and bonds and also it allowed me to understand more about who J is , where he has come from and where some of his quirky traits developed that I love :) When mr hubbins and I were dating we spent much of our free time at my house hanging out with my family but never a lot with his and I regret that now because I believe a greater friendship could have been formed way earlier than now but I am grateful for the blessings that are coming from it. It was just a wonderful visit and I am excited to go to Calgary once little cupcake comes and spend some time with baby not just with my family but J's as well.
So in offering up a bit of advice and something about marriage that I have learned is that eventually as you keep trying again and again in your marriage if there are ever times of conflict with in-laws or extended family who you are having troubles dealing with, they will come around and share their love as you and your spouse consistently work together as a team. J and I have both learned that we need to keep our marital problems between the two of us and resolve them on our own and stick up for one another if anything has been said by our families, whether it be grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, whomever. In fighting for our marriage even when times are hard things I have come to know and gain a testimony that light really does come at the end of the tunnel and that in a marriage you need to keep fighting for the covenants that you made in the temple.
I am also grateful for being taught that a loving Heavenly Father listened to my pleas, my complaints, and my down right times of rebellion where I had felt that no one was listening or answering my prayers. I have been humbled by the knowledge in looking back that Heavenly Father was always listening and would provide the same answer to my prayer but I just wasn't willing to accept the answer I was given and be patient enough to wait. I am humbly grateful that He still loves me enough to lead and guide me even when my faith falters and I question Him. But I have learned He will ALWAYS bless you even if it isn't in the time frame you want. So in times where it feels easier to give up just hang on a little longer and the light will come.
Yesterday J and I went on a date to watch The Secret World of Arietty, which is based off the book The Borrowers. We ended up trying to catch the 7:15 show but with the line up we didn't end up getting to that show so we opted to watch The Vow. We got our tickets and concession prize from a admission 2 ticket we had been given for Christmas and wandered into the theater to find it was packed. No two seats remained together unless we were in the very front row, and both mr hubbins and I nayed this idea and went to get exchange our tickets. I really wanted to spend time with J because of how busy the following week is going to be with having family come to visit, which I am excited about, but doesn't leave much time after finishing projects for me and mr hubbins alone. So we opted for the 9:40 show. This is at eight o clock and so with all the people packed in the theater, and I am hot and huge I got a little bit antsy and just told J we should go home. But as we sat at a table and I noticed a mother and daughter laughing over icecream and enjoying one another's company I had to stop and evaluate.
Had our marriage really come down to, we couldn't have fun without going home and being distracted without taking the time to truly open up to one another anymore. I remember J and I would spend hours talking together not having anything distract us and it seems like once you get married and can talk all the time your conversations really start to lack So I determined to make this a night out we could remember and so I got some little yogen fruz and we sat in a booth and chatted. It was fun the more we got talking to see the sparkle that I saw so often in J's eyes when we were dating. That look where you know someone would rather spend all their time with you than anywhere else. It was fun to have that again. I am grateful that J and I also made the decision to see our "little kid" movie because it was awfully cute and it just made me realize so grateful that setting the standard to only watch good movies has helped me a lot with my testimony.
I think I have a weak spirit in the sense that any movie that has any darkness to it really bothers me deep down to the core and leaves me with nightmares for weeks on end or a hovering sense of sadness. I remember when I was little and hearing swear words used to bother me a lot and still does. I hear it a lot at university and so the words are so often engrained into my brain. That's what I mean about having a weak spirit. I feel grateful for this because it easily helps me to set the standards I need to be happy. But going back to my movie, how wonderful it is to see that our world has not become so corrupt that we have lost the innocence of our youth. J and I talked about this in driving home and at first we were really disappointed with how the movie ended but then concluded that this way it left it up to the imagination what happened next. This movie didn't spoon feed you all the information or force you to adhere to thinking their way and we decided that this was best because it left it open for a child's mind to wonder and imagine. I love working with children for their imagination and was excited for this opportunity for J and I to come up with our own endings to the movie which was fun to hear and do.
""For members of the Church, education is not merely a good idea—it's a commandment. We are to learn 'of things both in heaven and in the earth, and under the earth; things which have been, things which are, things which must shortly come to pass; things which are at home, things which are abroad' (see D&C 88:79–80)."
- Pres. Dieter F Uchtdorf
I have been thinking a lot lately about the importance of education and university. In taking education I rarely have to take classes outside of my program because I did a lot of them before I moved to the U of A. Some classes that I have been scared to death to take because they are not my strong points have been math and science. Math I ended up doing in the summer semester and aced that sucker because I got help every day from my professor, who I am in gratitude for, for his patience and understanding. Science I have had to take this term and at first I grumbled and complained A LOT about it. "Why do I have to take this stupid class?! It isn't even going to help me... who needs to know the university level of bio, chem, physics when you are teaching elementary basics!"
I was being very ungrateful in which I am ashamed to admit now. The class I ended up taking is called Environmental Nature and Conservation Science or something really long, and we started off talking about evolution and where we came from... Monkeys of course because of the view the author of our text has and I was disappointed. I have come to learn that education at a university level is wonderful when it is paired with the gospel standards because then we cannot be led astray by mens' thinking and what they believe to know. But in sitting down and actually studying my textbook and looking past some of the silly things this author says he made some very vital points which have taught me so much not for being a teacher but the urgency and importance of listening to the prophet.
Did you know at an alarming rate we are destroying the world with our desire for instant gratification through technology... yes this means having the latest greatest laptop, cell phone, flat screen tv, and so on. I am not going to lie both J and I fall into this category but we are destroying our planet at an increasing rate. We don't see the affects of our waste of this technology or even if you recycle it because much of it is being sent to China to be recycled and reused for pieces but the process in getting these precious parts has led them to lose their valuable water supply and have to rely on water being imported in. This is just one of the many examples I have learned about. But the reason I bring this up is because we have been warned by prophets of old and modern day prophets that before the second coming the world will see war, pestilence, famine, and so on. And now is where my beautiful AHA moment! or smack in the face of why education is increasingly important comes in.
Many scientists who have studied the earth are warning civilizations that if we do not "think green" and start to try to sustain our environment we are going to lose it through pestilence, war, and famine. Interesting don't you think that men who have a wonderful education background who spend their lives studying about the environment are heeding the same warnings the prophets are. It just has gone to show me that Heavenly Father loves his people soooo much that He is willing to warn us years before a disaster hits what is going to happen. Now there will be some who will disagree with this post and call me a tree hugger saying that isn't the reason the second coming will happen but I truthfully believe we are what we make ourselves to be. I have such a strong strong testimony of getting an education and going as far as you can go with it.
As I told people that I was going to university to become a teacher I mostly got excitement but also some chastisement. Some believed that because I was getting married that my diploma should suffice and I should focus more of my time on preparing to be a mother and establishing my home. I am not going to bash your opinions but I can testify now more than ever before the importance of an education. I know that my children will be better off because of the time I took to pursue an education. Many times when we have the missionaries over for dinner now they have made comments about how women do not need more than a college education and this is more than ever where I am going to be stubborn and say to any girl out there. Get your education, take what you can and run. We live in such a beautiful beautiful place and it is so so so important when we have the blessings so easily and readily available to us to fully utilize them. I know it seems so long at the beginning but I know the closer I have gotten to my goal of becoming a teacher the more gratitude and love I have for our Saviour and Heavenly Father.
And really that is my two cents... stepping off my soap box now :)
Baby you are now 27 weeks and Dr. DL said that my tummy is going to get bigger because you are done growing the vital pieces of you and will just be growing in weight and inches! By my next visit with you and all the fun stuff you are in I should gain about a pound a week! How fun!
Fun Facts about you this week:
You are the size of a cauliflower and weigh anywhere from 1.5- 2.5 pounds
If we were to do a test it would show brain activity! You are learning to think for yourself and your brain will get more complex!
You're practicing inhaling and exhaling with your lungs to prepare for when you are born!
This past month you have kind of scared me a couple of times because I haven't felt you move like before but in talking to Dr. DL we summed this up to position. I summed this up to momma does not drink enough water! You really like to be face in in your comfy cozy spots which is either on the right or left side but usually the right because that is where I feel you poke my ribs the most
After drinking a ton of water I can feel your movements a lot more and clearer. Sometimes it feels like you are tickling my spine.
I have had really bad heartburn this past week and was told to drink milk before bed, sometimes this helps and sometimes this doesn't... but milk even skim does not taste very appetizing in the middle of the night.
I am starting to tell when you shift your weight onto my bladder because I have to go to the bathroom a lot more but sometimes in moving positions I can relieve the pressure and the feeling goes away.
You really don't like when I do squats because I squish you too much and you get super wiggly and kick me a lot.
And just a funny one for moms who read this... I now know what it feels like to sneeze and pee a little at the same time. How embarrassing but so funny at the same time!
I have been looking for baby car seats... who knew there could be so many choices?!
I was going to make my own wrap for baby only to find out that jersey knit at the fabricland by my house is running at 19.00/ meters and I need six.... scratch that idea. Used power of positive thinking and found a mama kangaroo wrap on kijiji (what I had originally wanted) for $20 and I go to pick it up on friday :)
J and I went to the obygyn today. Baby is healthy and I am a zumba queen. Loving zumba and man do you get a workout with it. My body is sore but I feel so good! After we went to home sense and using a gift card we had fancied up our house... it is looking very nice in here and it feels so cozy and homey now!
Have a happy wednesday and thursday :) I am off to study for my two midterms tomorrow. Please pray for me! haha no but seriously being pregnant I can't remember anything!!!
"I testify that God and Jesus Christ live. I testify that they are close, perhaps even closest with the holy spirit when we are experiencing difficult times. I testify quoting the prophet Isaiah, Heaven's kindness will not depart from you regardless of what happens. I testify that bad days come to an end, and faith always triumphs and heavenly promises are always kept.... My young friends hold on thy way, fear not God shall be with you forever and ever" - Elder Jeffery R Holland.
So I am back to update my blogger. I accomplished all that I wanted to today and I am actually feeling better about myself but I am still having a bit of a pity party. Yesterday was a hard day at church and I truly wonder sometimes why discipline isn't truly enforced in the home. This year I have two children in my sunbeams class, sounds pretty easy right? Like a piece of pie? I would rather have the five or six I had last year and I miss them more and more each sunday I have to deal with this new class.
In my sunbeams I have one boy and one girl, and automatically you would think the terror is the little boy but surprisingly enough he is an angel sent from heaven to be my cheerleader when the little girl in my class causes contention and is being a holy terror. Since the beginning of the year I have been dealing with temper tantrums and meltdowns in primary and in the classroom. I am not just talking one I am talking three to four in a two hour period where chairs are being thrown across the room, any pictures I use or objects get strewn across the room. During any craft or handout we do she has thrown stickers straight in the garbage, flung bowls full of craft items across the classroom and has even gone as far as trying to kick or hit my tummy.
Yesterday I dealt with a meltdown during sharing time when I refused to let her color on her primary chair with green marker. This holy terror decided to kick her chair into another child and flung herself onto the floor and all the other primary teachers came running over, one picked her up and calmed her by giving her candy. Are you kidding me?! You just rewarded her deviant behavior. So now you may be asking why don't I just go to the primary president... Well she is the mother of this child and I feel stuck as to what to do. I have gotten to the point where I don't feel the spirit at all during primary time and I leave church shaking from the adrenaline rush of dealing with the contention for the two hours. I can only imagine how healthy this is for baby... So I am stuck as to what to do and where to go. Would it seriously be horrible of me to be asked to be released from my calling? I just can't deal with a holy terror when I am six and a half months pregnant and tired beyond belief. These melt downs and temper tantrums take me until wednesday to get over and have the energy I need to get through the rest of the week. Any advice or input would be greatly be appreciated right about now...
Today we had the awesome opportunity to go to a friend's house to celebrate his birthday and to have some laughs with people we knew and some we didn't. It was fun to interact with people my own age from church and not have to run off to focus on teaching the sunbeams. But I have to be truthful with y'all about something. Usually I am not grateful that I am a "bigger" girl with more voluptuous curves than other girls my age but throughout pregnancy I have been grateful for the extra padding around my tummy. While I am sometimes envious that I don't have the perfect pregnancy tummy that some girls have, I think last night summed up my gratitude for being just around the bigger side!
Ever since I was little I have always battled with my weight and let me tell you I have tried various diets, I knew at a young age what it was like to have my weight yo-yo, to be told by doctors I was just TOO fat and that I needed to lose weight. Did that help me ever feel happy about myself to lose weight? I don't think so Joe! The fatter doctors told me I was the fatter I became as a result of the depression that would so easily beset me. But then one day I discovered a glorious workout called TurboJam and mixed with water and cutting my sugar cravings I dropped a whopping 75 pounds and it felt oh so good. I was happy with my body and so what happened to get where I am today? I stopped working out because I was stressed trying to balance a new life, struggling with cooking healthy on a student budget... and just a huge disruption of life made me slowly put the pounds back on. I wanted to lose weight to get back down and the month that I started working out again I found out I was pregnant and sick like a dog! So the weight stayed and people who I know love me but sometimes overstep their boundaries felt the urge to tell me to be careful about my weight during pregnancy. To eat healthier than I was and not to gain too much... I was even given some dr. berenstain diet or something or other. For the longest time I was beating myself up over my ever increasing pants line getting tighter and tighter on my stomach but the scale has only moved 2 pounds. But why I am on this kick all leads to the party I attended last night.
J is such a good husband and has told me I was beautiful any size I am. He started to make a joke about my small feet and juicy curves by lovingly nicknaming me penguin because of the way I move when I walk. I used to brush it off his "compliments" but I have started to really appreciate them because of how accepting I have become about my body. And so here is where my story actually begins.
Last night, I met a girl who is due 4 days before me who was graced with the perfect "magazine" figure she can eat 4 pieces of pizza and not gain a single pound. She has the beautiful perfect baby bump where her stomach protrudes at just the right amount and she was talking about how she can already see her baby's limbs move and feel which body part is sticking out when baby is super active. I have to admit I desperately wished I had that perfect little tummy the moment she was saying these things but then something changed where I became grateful for my expanded tummy and my baby. As the night progressed J kept asking me to sit down because I just kept standing by wherever he was sitting but I told him with everything pushed up I get really bad heartburn and it hurts to sit because sometimes it feels like baby is pushing against my ribs.
The husband of the other girl who was pregnant has overheard and turned to his wife and asked her if she felt the same way where it hurt to sit. She replied with, "it hurts to sit but it hurts my feet more to stand." And I was grateful that while it hurt to sit that I could stand and didn't have those aches and pains. It made me grateful I have been active and healthy throughout my pregnancy for the most part because this girl has struggled with gestational diabetes from the beginning. J likes to observe people and was watching this other girl and questioned her as she was forever scratching her tummy. She was kind of startled that mr hubbins had asked her about it and she replied with something like oh i forget I am even doing it most of the time. My belly just feels so itchy all the time because it feels so stretched out. This is when her husband chimed in that her belly was so stretched out that she no longer had a belly button. (It makes me laugh that men have no boundaries about things like this and offer up information for everyone to know even when the wife may not want it known.) So she lifted her shirt and showed us, her poor innie bellie button was definitely stretched beyond capacity and her m.i.l has predicted it will become an outtie.
Kay so not that I am trying to compare but my tummy has never itched with baby growing, I have just the right padding down there for baby to already have tons of room to move. I feel her body slam against me and make it known very clearly when I am crowding her space. But my little belly button is still definitely an innie and quite in there. And secretly as this poor girl woed about the downfalls of her pregnancy I rejoiced about my chubbiness. Now don't get me wrong I know that being over weight is NOT healthy and once I am not pregnant I am going to work out like a mad man with my turbojam and zumba but for now I rub my fat a little more lovingly! I am grateful for the extra padding that has made my pregnancy that much more juicy ;)
"A day without chocolate is like a day without sunshine"
One thing I miss about not being pregnant is eating yogurt. I wanted some soo bad today so I mixed it in with my morning breakfast smoothie thinking that I could somehow trick my body that I hadn't just eaten a food that has made me extremely nauseous since the beginning of my pregnancy... man I can't trick my body for anything because the rest of the day I was sooooo sick and definitely was paying for that "nice try!" idea.
This week is super stressful coming up so my lack of updates is because of two midterms and a paper due. Seriously no fun but the realities of university. I have found it is a lot harder to remember things than I remembered before and I seriously have to study 3 times harder than before to even remember what I read. Haha so we will see how it goes.
J took me for a valentine's dinner dat tonight and we went to an east indian restaurant. We like going there about twice a year and obviously we picked a great time to go. They light their restaurant by candle light and the decor is such amazingly beautiful. But tonight they had something even more special! A Chocolate Fountain!! Mr hubbins was super ecstatic because we never got to play at our wedding with the chocolate like we had wanted too, so having that opportunity tonight was a fun time to reminisce about our wedding and how far we have come in the last 21 months that we have been married. It is amazing to look back at all the trials and adversity we faced together and knowing that we found light at the end of the tunnel coming closer together through relying on the Lord. So all in all it was a great day. I am still fighting off the last part of this cold and so I tire out quickly! But that is the joy of life :)
Today you are the size of a head of lettuce and weigh in about 2.5 pounds.
This week your movements have become more active and strong. Sometimes it feels like you are body slamming me when I am laying in a position that you don't like.
You really like daddy's music and still like to move to the beat of it but seem to keep quiet if country music is played. What happened to my little cowgirl love?
This week your movements have become big and strong enough that sometimes I can see my stomach moving and it is so funny to watch. One day when I had my arm laying across my tummy and you decided you didn't want it there and kicked hard enough that it jumped.
You sure are wiggly as soon as I wake up in the morning and make it known that you are up and awake also. I think you might be a little early bird like me and I am going to love that.
You are also really wiggly whenever I work out and do weights. You don't like when I do squats or bend over because I squish you but you'll appreciate me more when it is easier to come out on your big day!
"Little children, young people, and adults alike, please believe
how very much your loving Heavenly Father wants to bless you.
But because he will not infringe upon our agency, we must ask for His help.
This is generally done through prayer. Prayer is one of the most precious gifts
of God to Man." - J. Devn Cornish
Sometimes I have to admit that I am a little ashamed to admit that I don't always have unwavering faith and when Heavenly Father so lovingly answers my prayers I feel in such awe that my tiny pleas are heard and answered. I have really been struggling with being so sick and I think I never got over the cold I had when I was in Calgary so it became a double whammy when I got sick again this time. It was just bad all around this past week because I have been running fevers on and off, sneezing and snuffling, and being forced to blow my nose even when it is so clogged you know nothing is going to come out. I have come to dread nights and going to bed because even though our apartment has been really humid and I have the air purifier going I am usually up every 45 minutes to an hour because my ears, throat, and nose feel so dry that I can't breathe. Sometimes it has gotten so bad that I have felt like I was having an asthma attack because I would get this taste in my mouth that I find hard to explain. It's like a taste that always comes right before the onset of an asthma attack and I hate that feeling.
So one night recently in desperation I pleaded with the Lord to help me to be able to breathe through my nose and take the stuffiness away so that I didn't have to breathe through my mouth. I needed sleep and felt like I couldn't get any because of how stuffed up I was. Immediately after saying my prayer I felt the urgent need to blow my nose and in doing so my nose started to clear. I was able to breathe as normal as you can when you are sick. It was a miracle because the result was just as if I would have taken cold medication and I knew that Heavenly Father was blessing me for putting my faith in Him around my pregnancy and trying the best that I could.
Again I feel blessed by the tender mercies of a Heavenly Father who hears my simplest pleas that may not be that important to anyone else but are to me, and again I stand in awe and amazement. It strengthens my testimony again and again to know that even when my faith wavers and I am not perfect or stalwart in the things I am supposed to be doing, because lets admit it I sometimes forget to do prayers or read scriptures either personally or as a family, that He is still willing to bless me.
It is funny when you are sick how just getting up and dressed can make a world of difference. I know when I went out for groceries today people must have thought I looked pretty crazy because I just had my hair pulled back in a crazy bun and it looks like I ran through a bush backwards but I was up and dressed. I am still not feeling the best but I am feeling really proud of myself because I planned meals for the next two weeks instead of trying to do it on a whim like I had been doing for the last three months. In doing this I was able to buy more groceries and all my meals were healthy. I even was able to save some money to put towards tuna and some canned goods for our food storage!! I love tuna and found it on sale at Wal-mart, which makes me so happy!
I feel happier today and I noticed that my attitude has started towards a huge change towards a goal I have set for myself. I am not going to say what it is yet, because I want to consistently do it for 3 weeks before I spill the beans but what I will give as a hint is that the atmosphere of our home has changed and I am starting to remember to look for the positives in life. In what I did for just one day the conversations between mr hubbins and I started to be directed to more where it was before we got married; we had seemed to lose any conversations we had before. It was sad really. It is sad when you don't know what to talk to your hubbins about because everything revolves around school and work!! BLAH! no fun at all. But our conversations today and yesterday brought laughs and smiles. Seriously love it!
Just a side note: Today I am super grateful for great weather, so that when I walk outside it feels like April is not far away and Spring will come soon. Which means baby will be here soon! Yikes and Wahoo all at the same time!
Lately I have found that I am falling into the negative thinking trap where I find it easier to find the bads about the day than the good. As I was reflecting on this today I realized how truly blessed I am. Today I feel honestly awful!! It has been a long time where I have felt this sick and the desire to take medicine has never been so great in my entire life. I don't like medicine and would rather take natural vitamins to heal my body but today with how much I hurt and ache I long for that ouch to go away. But being pregnant I am trying to do it natural for my baby. I keep thinking if I want to do it all natural on the day of I need to stick it out the rest of the way. I am also deathly scared of holding my baby back from a selfish decision I have made when really I could have just stuck it out.
Now don't get me wrong I don't avoid medicines at all costs when I got a horrible UTI at the beginning of December I sucked up my pride and took antibiotics because I know I could put little miss' life in danger with how bad it was getting. So I took the medicine and it hasn't come back thank goodness! But today has been a day where I have honestly spent it sleeping. I think I have maybe been up for a total of 3 hours and I feel absolutely horrible! But as I was thinking about just how awful I was feeling, I realized how grateful I was for my hardworking hubbins. Who allows me to study and be pregnant, and doesn't require me to work. I am grateful that he understands what it is like for me to snuffle when I breathe, or just cry when he comes home because I just don't feel good, to have him cuddle me and let me sleep on his chest because I just need some extra love.
As I think about this blessing, I think about how blessed we are and that these miracles we have on a daily basis come straight from Heavenly Father. Sometimes I think how are we ever going to make it but somehow we always manage to make it through on top, and closer than before. I have realized how truly grateful I am for the gospel and how it allows us to be prepared for any situation we face and that when we fall and succumb to our natural ways that the Lord always forgives with generosity and allows us to come to higher ground.
So while I sound like an old man sleeping with every breath I take, with my nose bleeding all day off and on, and my body being so sore I just have to lie down to get past the pain I am filled with a greater gratitude of my blessings and what I have been given. I have a home to live in and a hard working hubbins who gives me his all because he loves and wants the best for me and our little but soon to grow family.
I know that my stomach is getting bigger, because the last couple of times I have been out at stores I have started getting the look that people give to pregnant women. They seem to do a double take and women who are baby hungry usually poke their husbands and secretly point. Someone baby hungry in our home is Mr. J. Whenever we go to church J is busy making faces with the babies in front of us in the pew and talks about how cute every baby he sees is. I am glad he is so excited to be a dad and that he is being super supportive about my pregnancy.
He is super nesting more than I am and it is starting to get a little crazy. A super nice guy at J's work, offered to give us brand new leather kitchen chairs because he had bought them for his son but then his son didn't want them. They are really nice but take up a lot more room. I am getting big and round and my apartment is getting smaller and smaller. This seems to be bothering me a lot more than it normally would not pregnant because I am starting to question where am I going to put this baby?! So I am trying to keep an open mind of getting a bigger place before baby gets too big. This will probably make me laugh one day but today I am just feeling squished and no place to move...
So the last two weeks of trying to fight off a cold, it finally caught up to me. The latest sounds at our house have been sniffle sniffle sneeze "blow nose" cough! This is one of the few times I wished I was in Calgary so my mom could come take care of me, make me chicken soup, and keep me tucked in in my cozy bed. I came home from church after sacrament and this totally made me miss Sunridge ward. I am still teaching sunbeams in primary and was frustrated when I asked some ladies to substitute for me, and it was like I was asking them to cut off their arms. Why is it that teaching primary and trying to get a substitute is almost the same as pulling teeth? I was kind of disappointed when it was so difficult to find a teacher. But I am glad that I got to come home and sleep.
My body had felt like it had been hit like a truck, and so I decided to have a warm bath before cozying up in bed. J bought me a bath pillow and so when I was in the bath I laid back to relax my back, when suddenly! My tummy started to jiggle and it looked like my stomach was doing the wave. Baby seemed to be very active and it was funny to see her create movement on my stomach. I am loving being pregnant the bigger baby gets <3
Remember how yesterday I thought it would be so fun to go swimming? Dr. DL even recommended it to me as a good workout for pregnant women. But today I feel like my arms are going to just slip from my body like spaghetti and shrivel up! I am so sore. I had stopped working out and started again recently and I think the combination of a strength training workout with little weights, and swimming the next day... seriously killed me. I am trying to get all the chores done of the day and I can barely move sideways. I grunt and groan trying to pick up the laundry, lift dishes over my head to put them away. So while I feel great that my body feels relaxed and stress free.... my body hurts a lot and I keep thinking "Man that was a baadddd idea!"
"I wonder if you sisters fully understand the greatness of your gifts and talents and how all of you can achieve the 'highest place of honor' in the Church and in the world. One of your unique, precious, and sublime gifts is your femininity, with its natural grace, goodness, and divinity. Femininity is not just lipstick, stylish hairdos, and trendy clothes. It is the divine adornment of humanity. It finds expression in your qualities of your capacity to love, your spirituality, delicacy, radiance, sensitivity, creativity, charm, graciousness, gentleness, dignity, and quiet strength. It is manifest differently in each girl or woman, but each of you possesses it. Femininity is part of your inner beauty." - James E Faust
Today was my birthday and I turned the big old 2-4! Usually I am sad each year that my number gets higher but this year I am excited to be 24 because of the journey that lies ahead. I am excited to be a mother and have a beautiful daughter, that I will have the opportunity to teach, love, parent, and friend throughout our lifetime together here on earth. Once I was told that there are two times each year in your life that determine how the year ahead will go. One is New Year's Eve and the other is your birthday. Who you are with and who you spend it with, determines how your year to come will be. I don't know if that is necessarily true but I felt like this is something that I wanted to ring true for my birthday. Mr hubbins asked me if I wanted to have a party and have friends come celebrate and truthfully I didn't. I just wanted a day to spend just him and I to do the things that we liked to do together before the hectic life of a new baby comes and we no longer have just him and I time.
So we decided to have a fun day together. One thing I miss about living back in Calgary is being with my mom and going on shopping adventures with her from goodwill, to liquidation world, to last chance liquidators and many other places. It is fun just to look at all the wonderful things people come up with that you really love or really don't like and you try to imagine who could come up with something so silly! But that was what I had craved to do was just to go to goodwill and shop around, to go to AMA and get my driver's license renewed, and just go shopping; not even to buy things just to go look. I have really started nesting today and so I hit the jackpot when I went to Goodwill. I found some cute little dresses for baby, a little jumper outfit, and a whole pack of Baby Einstein videos (for the great price of 11.99). At first I didn't know if I should grab them or not but with a little encouragement from the mom department I picked them up. I really am glad I did because I just looked up the price and found that one dvd costs 16.99... I got 9 dvd's all for my bargain price. The fun does not just stop there, when I got home and untaped the package I found that some of the dvd's were brand new and hadn't even been opened. They still had their stickers on the top of the dvd! Oh I love a good find! J had an interview for a part time position with benefits at the hospital instead of working on a casual position and so I asked him to drop me off so I could go to AMA and then wander Goodwill, while he was in his interview that he readily agreed to.
After going to Goodwill, J needed to go to Walmart and so we wandered over there and I of course went to the baby section. I think I am getting a bit antsy with getting prepared for the baby and today with diapers on sale, I asked J if we could pick up a box for newborns. I opened the box when I got home and those things are tiny!! I keep focusing on how big baby is going to be trying to come out of me that I never stopped to realize how really teeny tiny baby girl will be compared to the world around her. J and I had a fun time looking around; we like to look and talk about the items we would decorate our future home with. I have to be honest mr hubbin's mom is a fantastic decorator and she can fancy a home on a penny. She is just amazing at putting cheap things together and making it look as if it was the most expensive thing ever. J has picked up this talent and so our house looks like we are a lot better off than we really are as poor students. I guess we are not very poor students because Heavenly Father has blessed us immensely and that I am humbly grateful for.
After we went to Wal-Mart J and I decided to head off to Edo to try their new pineapple dish they had and it was delicious and filling, and then we headed off to the local swimming pool to have some fun. It was nice being in the water and having all the weight of baby and the extras carried by the water instead of by me. We swam for 2 and a half hours and came home. It was also nice because J and I laughed and had fun like when we were dating and we forgot about the cares of the world. It was so nice just being focused on one another and having fun people watching, and secretly laughing at some of the swimsuits people wear. We also had a great time watching the parents interacting with their children and seeing the sparkle of light that filled their children's eyes to be the center of mom and dad's attention. It made me that much more excited to be a mom. I feel like every day we get closer to baby's due date the more excited and nervous I become. Nervous because I am starting to feel like I am not physically prepared to have a baby in our home but we are moving in the right direction. I feel prepared other than that because of all the schooling in early learning and education I have. I realize and know I am not going to be perfect when baby comes but I know how to change a diaper, how to swaddle a baby, how to rock bounce them to sleep, and I have watched multiple videos on how to breastfeed a baby so I should be set. I might not have it down pat but I know I will get the hang of it sooner or later, and that's okay with me.
On another note, the other day I received a beautiful birthday gift that taught me a simple lesson that I needed to learn, that Heavenly Father was trying to teach me but I am so clueless and I missed it completely the first time. Remember this post about how I had found an article in the Ensign that was teaching me to look up and not to the side? Well that wasn't the only lesson Heavenly Father was trying to teach me. Sister C sent me the video Deep Beauty and tears filled my eyes as the spirit hit me so strongly. I realized that this past month I have been grumbling and complaining about my trials and how hard they have been. I have been asking "Why Me!? Why now?!" instead of trusting in the Lord to bring me through the trial and allow it to be a teaching opportunity. As Sister. Dalton spoke about David O'McKay's wife and the spirit that she had and her divine role as a woman of God, I realized that I needed to be more like the daughter Heavenly Father wanted and needed me to be. Sister Dalton's words about Sister. McKay that struck me to my very core were these, "Her beauty was not a beauty that could be purchased,... it came from years of hard work of faithfully enduring trials with optimism, trust, strength and courage... [it was] the kind of beauty that shines from the inside out."
And it was these words the tears so freely began to flow from my eyes. In the trials I was experiencing I had truly forgotten who I was and how I was supposed to handle myself. I had missed the opportunity to view myself the way Heavenly Father sees me and realize it doesn't matter what anyone else was doing, or who/ how I was being compared. It was time for me to stop and look up and realize that Heavenly Father sees me how I need to be seen and not how the world sees me.
In these times it is so easy to forget to look into the "mirrors of eternity" to remember who we are and why we are here. I am so blessed to have such a beautiful support system who teach me lessons whether that was their intention or not; to loving teach and allow the spirit to beacon me to come to higher ground.
So maybe that is why my birthday this year has been so special is because the best gift I received for my birthday was the simple reminder for me that I am also born to be a queen and divine is my purpose here on earth. I need to allow my light to shine forth no matter what trials come my way and turn to a loving Father in Heaven way more often than I do so I can be shaped and molded by his hands.
All in all, it was a great birthday and I am filled with a sense of wonderment and awe I feel from Heavenly Father when my soul has been so rebellious.
Thanks to that special someone for this beautiful birthday gift that you have given me <3
You are the size of an eggplant and weigh about 2 pounds
You have figured out your sense of equilibrium and know up from down.
You are still sitting really low and like to kick my bladder... which makes me have to go to the bathroom all the time.
You really see to like vitamin water peach mango kind and move around a lot once I have had some.
Since the beginning of pregnancy, yogurt kicks in my morning sickness. This past week I have really been craving yogurt but in trying some last night it still made me feel nauseous.
You really like to move around when I am sitting in class still. I notice your most active times are right when I wake up around 7 or 8, then 5:30- 6:30 at night.
One day this week you had hiccups for about 15 minutes. At first I didn't know what was going on but then I caught on that the repetitive movement was you hiccupping. I felt bad that you were hiccupping for so long, but I was in class at school so I just seemed to rock in my chair and that stopped them :)
It is fun every day because I can feel your movements getting stronger, and you are becoming more active. We are getting so excited more and more for May. Grandma C is very excited for you and has already started buying everything we need for you from a car seat, to stroller, and monitor! Yay for loving grandmas <3
I always thought it was ironic when people said that a month had just snuck up on them and they didn't even see it coming and this is how it has felt with me with February. In running to doctor appointments, going to my ultrasound, J running to class, and I running to class it has just been crazy. I can't believe it but it is good. January was a month full of stress and heartache and I hope sometime this year that I will be able to know what I can do to keep from being affected my petty people and snide remarks.
February came with a bang because poor mr hubbins who is never sick, is! He has been running a fever the last two days and had a midterm tonight so it has been hard for him. I think it is so funny that men are like little kids when they get sick and definitely need to be babied. I know J has been more cuddly and need hugs and wants me to be everywhere he is (not that I mind because it is cute) but I feel like it prepares me all the more for motherhood :) Oh funny mr hubbins makes me laugh!
I felt like this post was really lame so after studying I had a thought that I wanted to share. Sometimes I have a really hard time in university because I feel like with all these professors who have this life time of knowledge about the world, they lack the most important type of knowledge that could be obtained on this earth. One class that I had to take to get my teaching degree was a university science so I found one that didn't seem relatively boring and took it. It is Environmental Conservation Science. What I have found though is that my professor is really pushing everyone to accept the idea that we have evolved from monkey, and since we have brains like Apes we are allowing technology to take over and ruin the natural environment we have. It is an interesting theory but I know it is not true.
But in this class, we were assigned to watch a video from a professor at the UCLA who explains why societies collapse. The professor from UCLA explained that because we live beyond our means and resources that there will come a time in a couple of decades where society will be forced to correct itself. He said this could be done in two ways, either as a society we will decide to correct our behaviour and live under our means so we will have enough to live on to correct our actions OR there will come a time where there will be wars, pestilence, disease, and starvation. This became an "AHA!" moment for me because it is so interesting how we have been taught in the scriptures that in the last days there will be wars, rumours of wars, and disease and pestilence will occur on the earth. I think lots of times we think here in the Western world we will be saved because we do not have the same problems that are occurring in other parts of the world but they will. We definitely are seeing people living beyond their means and doing everything in their power to get above and beyond anyone else. I am just grateful to know that we have been taught what we can do to be prepared for the times that are being foretold of by the world by those who do not have the gospel background we do. Again I think how wonderful the gospel is and am thankful that I can raise my family in protection and righteousness.
