I wish I was a better mom and wrote every day for my precious baby girl but it seems like life is going whether I have the time or not.  I can't believe it has been 3 months since I became a mother and everything changed.  I changed.  J changed.  and kitten continues to grow and change each day.  She is such a calm and happy baby and I love her dearly she has changed my life forever.  I am currently sitting amongst boxes because we are moving today!! We helped the lady whose house we are moving into, clean yesterday and I kept joking with J that we would lose each other because our new place is so big.  We could have two more kids where we are at without feeling overwhelmed and we are so happy!  So for now we won't have any connection other than our cell phones so have a wonderful weekend!

Summer Overload of Jessa

 Big flowers, yes please!  Love My baby schmoo!

 Calgary Stampede!  Cowgirl at heart!  Yee Haw!

 daddy's little cow

 Daddy playing with Jessita

 Tummy time during the summer heat in an aparment!  We are melting

 Long day playing

 How little princess really sleeps

 look what faces I can make!

 Mommy's Toes

 Baby's toes

 SuperMom... why yes we do Zumba while I sleep in the wrap!

 Seriously mom?  

My rockin' leopard pants

If only time stood still

Sometimes I wonder if I should be spending my time packing, cleaning my house, or doing the countless things a mother and housewife does instead of holding Jessa in my arms as we rock back and forth as she sleeps. I put her down and the poor angel wakes up she is my Velcro baby and while many tell me I need to train her to be on her own; I really wouldn't want it any other way. Whenever I think about how much I could be doing and what I am doing instead just feels right and happy. The words of this song pop into my head: let them be little cause they're only that way for a while. Give them love everyday. Let em cry let em giggle let em sleep in the middle oh but let them be little. I know Jessa won't always fit so cozily in my arms or nestled in my side and so I'll let her be little while the dishes pile up and the dust becomes visible.

Sing Along Songs

When I was little I used to love sing along song videos.  Music was my life and everyone knew how happy I was as i bounced room to room humming and singing.  When Terry married my mom he used to call me a canary because I would either be singing or playing my flute in my room.  Jessa is a lot like her dad in being an extrovert and loving people, wanting to be in on the action but Jessa like me loves music and loves to sing.

Last night I was feeling frustrated with the day and decided to put some country music on and I sang each song to Jessa.  Well she decided it was the perfect songs to sing to because she started to coo right along with me.  She waited till I would pause to do whatever I was doing and would smile and coo to the music.  Oh Jessa is going to be my little singing canary and I love that.

Sunshine Smiles

Jessa is quite the baby and I love her so much.  On bad days or hard days she melts my heart and brings sunshine to my soul.  Last week she did just that, brought sunshine to me when I was having a hard time balancing all the responsibilities of being a wife and mother.  Jessa had just woken up for the day and she was drinking incredibly fast.  I could tell she was hungry when my hind milk became too thick that she growled at my boob.  I looked at her and laughed out loud and she looked up at me and smiled.  A genuine smile where she knew I was laughing at what she had done and she laughed right back.  Oh my sweet precious baby has a sense of humor already and makes me laugh.

Karma

When I was little my mom used to bath my brother and I together and many times my poor brother would call out to my mom, "Mom, Merrawyn is pooping in the bathtub again!!!" And in would rush my mom to pull both my brother and I out of the tub to get the floaties out!  Now why in the world would I be sharing such an embarrassing story with you that I didn't even let my mom share at my wedding well because of KARMA!

I am a big believer in karma of what goes around, comes around.

One hot summer afternoon I had the brilliant plan that when J got home from work that we would go to the spray park that mr hubbins came across driving home from work one afternoon.  We get little kitten ready in her swimsuit and set off on our adventure.  We get to the spray park to find the water coming on in 5 minute spurts with freezing cold water that I am not willing to put Jessa in.  Mr hubbins braves it and runs through with Jessa.  The cold startles her and then it starts to rain on us.  So we run home from where its raining and I plead with Heavenly Father to make it stop so we can get kitten home without being drenched.  We make it thankfully and J suggests that I have a bath with Jessa.  Brilliant idea!  She'll be warm and we can do it quickly because as to date kitten screams in the bath.

We put her in and she loves it she kicks her legs and tries to put her head back in the water to do the back float.  Nice work baby fish.  So we finish the bath and mr hubbins suggests that I feed Jessa while in the bath cause then he can lotion her up, dress her and she'll fall asleep.  This worked well we did it all.  I sit her on my knee to burp her and then it happens all of a sudden I have yellow floaties in the water with me because little kitten pooped in the bath.

What being a mother has taught me...

It has just been over ten weeks that little Jessa entered our lives and changed our world forever.  She is a velcro baby who likes to be where the action is at and for the most part I love it, except for the times when I am wiggling in my pants counting down the minutes and seconds until mr.hubbins comes to get a potty break.  But I really do love being a mom.  We have no schedule and some nights we are up till 2:30 or 3:00 in the morning... once even four and we sleep till ten.  I am a morning person and I kick myself for letting my mornings slip away as baby and I sleep but I try not to fixate on that. But I know the lazy hazy days of summer will slip through my fingers faster than I want them too.  In two weeks tomorrow we move into a townhouse... With three bedrooms for J and I applied to be resident managers, so I could stay home with little kitten and J could finally go to school full time.  It worked perfectly and after each prayer I realized how wonderful Heavenly Father is to us.  

 When I first became pregnant with Jessa I was worried about how my life was about to change because I was enrolled in full time university with only a couple of semesters left till I finished my teaching degree.  I worried each day over the fact that I wouldn't be done before my baby was going to come and sometimes I resented the fact that I wouldn't be done my degree before my baby arrived.  Resentment over the time I would lose with my baby after she was born and the worldly thought of not having the free time I thought I deserved in being a career woman.  But as soon as my eyes came into contact with the piercing stare of my baby... the oh so piercing soulful stare where I knew that the spirit that came to earth was not a baby but a spirit directly from Heavenly Father everything changed.  As soon as Jessa was pulled away from me in the room where she was delivered I knew at once what my calling in life was.  To be a mother and I love it.  

I used to think I wanted to be a teacher and affect the world one child's heart at a time but sitting in the NICU, guided and directed by the spirit as to what I needed to do for Jessa has lead me to a new path I knew I wanted but quietly forgot.  When I was thirteen I used to watch parenting shows the best way to introduce foods to baby, the best way to discipline a baby, and so on.  That yearning never died and I am looking into finishing my teaching degree so I can continue on in a master's program of child development, a lactation consultant or a doula.. I considered even a midwife but that requires too much time taken away from my family.  

I once read while pregnant with Jessa, about a girl who experienced so many of the feelings that I had pregnant.  I finally knew it was okay to mourn that my life was going to change and come to realize it would be better once Jessa came.  She said how Heavenly Father knew her personally and gave her the child that she needed and Jessa is just that.  She fills my heart and completes me in ways that I desperately sought for but never found the answer until she came.  She fills my need for cuddles, to have someone constantly there to keep me company, to push me to get out of bed and face the day when it just all seems bigger than me.  She pushes me to keep trying even when things get hard and has taught me patience because even when I get crabby and moan and groan out of frustration she still smiles and lets me know that everything is going to be okay.  And I have learned that that is what being a mom, and a wife is all about.  Sometimes it is just saying at the end of the day that I will try harder tomorrow.  

HooDoo Adventures

Calgary is always so fun because there is always something going on.  On Saturday we went and visited Terry's dad in Drumheller.   He was happy to meet Jessa and it put a smile on his face to hold and cuddle her.  After we had visited him, Terry took us to the hoodoos and they were so neat to see.  Jonathan and I want to go back and explore one day with Jessa.  Here are the pitcutres we took of that day.

Picture Overload

 Safe in daddy's arms

Watched over by momma

Baby Petunia

Daddy's girl

These pics were all taken on Jessa's due date of May 17th.  A classmate of mine started a photography business but I was kind of disappointed on how it went but Jessa looks great in all these pics!

We are so blessed!

Before I had Jessa I had told myself that I was going to blog everyday to capture everything that Jessa does and then I became a mom.  I love blogging and it will hold a special place in my heart but Jessa has kept my hands full literally.  She really is a great baby and sleeps usually the night through with a couple of dream feeds but she is also an alert baby who likes to spend her time awake and being carried, talked to and bounced up and down.  Man I love her.  She tests my limits where I don't know how I am going to make it through and has also taught me of the inner strength that I have.  She is growing so quickly and now I know why people told me to enjoy my baby and let everything else be put on hold.  Time goes by so fast that no matter what happens your little baby grows before your very eyes it seems.  

Some of the things that Jessa especially has captured our hearts here at home is the smile that she so easily flashes both awake and asleep.  It literally lights up the room and I love how it makes my heart burst with joy.  Jessa also laughs in her sleep; I have yet to catch it on video but it is absolutely the cutest thing ever.  Last sunday while we were are church sitting in Sunday School, Jessa laughed in her sleep at the most inappropriate time.  We had been talking about spiritual death and she starts to giggle and it made me laugh out loud.  I am glad we were in the front of the class because the teacher knew what I was laughing about and was able to make a joke to cover up my laugh.  Jessa really is my pride and joy.  

On June 23rd I took Jessa in to see Jonathan when he had just woken up in the morning, and I laid her down on her side beside her daddy and she smiled at him.  A smile from ear to ear... she is such a daddy's girl and I am so happy for it.  She copies a lot of what he does and this week they had quite the conversation.  Jessa and Daddy.  Jonathan would coo at Jessa and she would coo back... it's amazing how determined she is and just how much I love my baby.

The other wonderful blessing that has happened since Jessa was born was the outpouring of love we received in coming to Calgary.  So many people showered us with love in giving things to Jessa.  I was told when I was pregnant that a baby came in one arm and a bun was given to the other.  We sincerely thank you all for the love that you showed us.  I was honestly a bit hesitant about how we would provide for this little one and you have all made it simply wonderful for her to be clothed in such wonderful things!