What being a mother has taught me...

It has just been over ten weeks that little Jessa entered our lives and changed our world forever.  She is a velcro baby who likes to be where the action is at and for the most part I love it, except for the times when I am wiggling in my pants counting down the minutes and seconds until mr.hubbins comes to get a potty break.  But I really do love being a mom.  We have no schedule and some nights we are up till 2:30 or 3:00 in the morning... once even four and we sleep till ten.  I am a morning person and I kick myself for letting my mornings slip away as baby and I sleep but I try not to fixate on that. But I know the lazy hazy days of summer will slip through my fingers faster than I want them too.  In two weeks tomorrow we move into a townhouse... With three bedrooms for J and I applied to be resident managers, so I could stay home with little kitten and J could finally go to school full time.  It worked perfectly and after each prayer I realized how wonderful Heavenly Father is to us.  

 When I first became pregnant with Jessa I was worried about how my life was about to change because I was enrolled in full time university with only a couple of semesters left till I finished my teaching degree.  I worried each day over the fact that I wouldn't be done before my baby was going to come and sometimes I resented the fact that I wouldn't be done my degree before my baby arrived.  Resentment over the time I would lose with my baby after she was born and the worldly thought of not having the free time I thought I deserved in being a career woman.  But as soon as my eyes came into contact with the piercing stare of my baby... the oh so piercing soulful stare where I knew that the spirit that came to earth was not a baby but a spirit directly from Heavenly Father everything changed.  As soon as Jessa was pulled away from me in the room where she was delivered I knew at once what my calling in life was.  To be a mother and I love it.  

I used to think I wanted to be a teacher and affect the world one child's heart at a time but sitting in the NICU, guided and directed by the spirit as to what I needed to do for Jessa has lead me to a new path I knew I wanted but quietly forgot.  When I was thirteen I used to watch parenting shows the best way to introduce foods to baby, the best way to discipline a baby, and so on.  That yearning never died and I am looking into finishing my teaching degree so I can continue on in a master's program of child development, a lactation consultant or a doula.. I considered even a midwife but that requires too much time taken away from my family.  

I once read while pregnant with Jessa, about a girl who experienced so many of the feelings that I had pregnant.  I finally knew it was okay to mourn that my life was going to change and come to realize it would be better once Jessa came.  She said how Heavenly Father knew her personally and gave her the child that she needed and Jessa is just that.  She fills my heart and completes me in ways that I desperately sought for but never found the answer until she came.  She fills my need for cuddles, to have someone constantly there to keep me company, to push me to get out of bed and face the day when it just all seems bigger than me.  She pushes me to keep trying even when things get hard and has taught me patience because even when I get crabby and moan and groan out of frustration she still smiles and lets me know that everything is going to be okay.  And I have learned that that is what being a mom, and a wife is all about.  Sometimes it is just saying at the end of the day that I will try harder tomorrow.