I Will Go and Do not Sit and Stew!

I keep having a feeling that this needs to be shared with someone important one day some time.  J and I are both under a lot of stress and sometimes we have disagreements where we try to re-evaluate what is happening with us.  We were going through a really rough patch recently just because we were both under a lot of stress.  I feel like when hard times come we both really question why we are doing what we are doing and I have been praying recently to see things as Heavenly Father wants me too.  The prompting I have recently received is to truly study my scriptures and gain a stronger testimony of the Book of Mormon.  As I was praying about what to do with my relationship with J, a scripture mastery popped into my head.

It was 1 Nephi 3:7, which I have in my picture above.  It really made me realize that when Heavenly Father gives unto us a commandment he will also prepare a way for us to accomplish it.  No matter what the trials are and what comes our way we are strong enough to get through it.  I know that in these days, a lot of married couples turn to divorce when there are problems but I know that this is not what God wants.  We can work through our problems and we can get through any trials that we have.  They will not be removed but we will be stronger as a result.  We can have the attitude that we have been so easily taught as we place our small hands in the Lord.

Remember the Lord loves you and through him we can do hard things!

xs and os

Merr

1 sheep 2 sheep 3 sheep snore!

Dear Sleep,

I am sorry I hated you when I was little!

Now I can't get enough of you!

If I could sincerely walk around like this for the rest of the semester I totally would.  Sorry for the sporadic posts.  I was really trying to post every day but that seems to become most difficult when group projects, essays, and other projects all seem to be due at the same time.  I am SOOOOO tired and I don't know why?  I think I am like a little bear winter  comes and I feel like I should just hibernate all winter long.  I remember at the beginning oh my pregnancy, J gave me a blessing that said that I needed to take care of myself and not push myself that what was necessary.  I think for the first time I am truly understanding this because I have been trying to push just a little bit harder and do one more thing but I am tired allll the time.  Maybe this is what I was trying to be warned about.  But one thing I have realized is that I am so so SO grateful that I dropped my spanish class and went from five classes down to four.  I feel less stress and more time to just take it easy and focus more on my other classes.  I once heard that pregnant moms don't really get the same refreshing feeling that others get when they sleep because their body is busy growing a baby!  This is how I feel... maybe it is time to start making a more active approach to work out daily.  

This past week has been quite the adventure!  On Monday I woke up to a huge puddle located right beside our fridge.  I thought maybe it was a snow puddle because I had hear Jonathan run back into the apartment because he had forgot something but the more I thought about it the water was clean and not muddy.  So then I opened the fridge and noticed that nothing in it was cold.  I opened the freezer and everything was defrosted!  UGH really?  I listened and noticed that the fridge wasn't making any noise so I replugged it into another outlet it worked sort of.  But not really so we have a newer fridge to say the 

least.  When it happened I kept thinking about when I was little and one of the most hilarious prank calls someone could make was "is your fridge running?" "yes" "well you better go catch it!".  But then I thought what would you say if your fridge really wasn't running... ha ha cause that is really not funny at all!!  But I think it seems funny right now because I am suffering for being soo sleepy!

On Saturday, I was really proud of J!  He decided that he really wanted to learn how to change the oil in our car and we have some magnificent friends who one is a mechanic.  He offered to teach mr. hubbins so Saturday morning we went over and D and J changed a whole bunch of stuff on our little car.  Before we had moved to Edmonton, someone had run a red light and hit our car when J was doing a left turn.  It left our crash smooshed on the right side and so D was so good and helped J pop out the dent, change the signal light and fix our windshield case.  Our car is doing better than it has been in over a year.  ANDD J knows more about cars then I do now haha yay!  So happy about that :):)

Our next exciting thing that happened this past week was our American Thanksgiving Celebration.  D, the one who helped teach J more about our car is originally from California and so his wife threw him an American Thanksgiving.  It was nice to find time to be united with friends and know that there are people here to be supportive with us when family isn't close.  We ended up having a great time and J is finding some people to get close to in our ward which has been pretty tricky.  I think it had helped quite a bit that we are now pregnant because all the people who hang out together, have little kids.

I feel like we have tons of blessings we are coming our way, especially as we try harder to become more like Christ and turn closer to God.

Hope you're having a warm week with happy adventures.

Merr

Sorry for the woo-is-me post!  Being pregnant with increased levels of hormones lead to boo hoo days about the stresses of life.  I love church but sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed?  I think it is because I am pregnant.  I was upset yesterday because I was asked to two classes because a teacher didn't show.... so I had my three sunbeams plus seven other four year olds... talk about mega stress and then for primary we are practicing for the nativity.  I was put on the stage to reign forty children in by myself and another teacher.... the rest of the teachers sat in chairs in the gym and didn't do anything.  NOT IMPRESSED!  Half way through we had children running the halls, beating each other up on stage, or asking to go to the bathroom a million times because they are as bored as I am.  Cute idea yes?  Worst idea ever to practice in the gym you've got it!!  

I am crabby about sharing time and singing time.  Singing the same song over and over for half an hour is not fun and I feel even more crabby... yikes!  On a happier note.....  

I will have to update about American Thanksgiving and a super fun filled Saturday.  It is so nice to have caring friends when family is so far away.  We were given a pregnancy book that goes day by day and I can learn how my baby is growing.  My tummy is starting to actually look pregnant instead of fat and that is exciting.  

Sorry again for the crabby post but I'll update later.

Practice makes Perfect?

Always remember that if you want the beautiful rose,

you have to accept the thorns around it.

Remember a while ago I posted about my thoughts on marriage?  Well I thought that I would just share some thoughts about my marriage to mr. hubbins. Sometimes, I wish I would have listened to my mother when she told me marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be and it is not like movies!  It takes a lot of hard work and dedication.  When I was eighteen and nineteen a lot of my friends were getting married and telling me how wonderful it was:  How fun it was to be on your own, with just you and your husband with no rules, and that everything is such a wonderful little fairytale.  I now know what marriage is really a lot of hard work like my momma had said, and it takes one being selfless, patient, and understanding.  It is being the first one to apologize and admit you're wrong, and show an increase of love even when that's the last feeling you have.  While I would admit there are days that it is all these wonderful things, those times come with time, patience, hard work and understanding.  It is viewing things from another's perspective and accepting that there will be difference that come. And it is learning to laugh through the trials.  

I can admit that I haven't loved the trials J and I have faced but I love how much closer it has brought us together.  I can tell you that little things still mean EVERYTHING in your marriage and so take the time each day to find ways to serve your husband or wife.  Sometimes an encouraging text or phone call during the day is all that special someone in your life needs.  With pregnancy I found that J is applying this principle more and more each day.  On tuesday, he helped me prepare a supper for a lady in our ward who has been under the weather, when I was too sick to do it on my own, and just the fun little thing that he said to me today just warmed my heart and put a smile on my face.

Usually once school and work are done we send texts just letting each other know when we are going to be home or if we are stopping anywhere.  This is a thing my mom has always done and I loved always knowing that mom was here and would be home after.  So I started to implement and mr. hubbins soon followed.   So, I texted J that I was just walking to the bus and should be home in about 45 mins. He replied yeap!  And so I asked him if that was his favorite word because he had been   using it for everything I said for the last few days and he said no.   You're my favorite word!  Now it might sound corny to ya'll but it definitely put a smile on my face and warmth in my heart on a cold wintery day.  

So my marriage advice that I have learned that I would like to share with you is: accept the trials as they come and send encouraging words of love throughout the day, and always just try to do something special once a day that really says I love you.  

Homework

This picture would sum up how I feel about now.  We are coming down to the last weeks of university for the semester and I am about to have a crazy streak.  I feel like taking and throwing my papers all over and never opening another book again.  Do I really need to have 4 group projects worth 50% of my mark each class to become a teacher!?  Really?  Please explain how this will help me in a classroom by MYSELF with 25 to 30 children?!  I am crabby with school and how it takes over my life.... Please stay tuned for a brighter and more positive post tomorrow :)

What I am thankful for, that I live in a country that I can go to university and pursue my goals and dreams!

Do you know where....

Maybe that's what it all come down to. Love.

Not as a surge of passion, but as a choice for committing to something,

 someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way,

and maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out,

year after year, says more about love than never having a choice

to make at all.  

One thing that I have learned in being married is that you become another person's set of eyes.  Since getting married there has been many times where I have been asked, "Honey, do you know where... (insert any article a man needs here)" Usually five minutes before mr. hubbins needs to run out the door.  Now I have also learned that a wife has been mentally prepared for this daunting task since birth, because nine times out of ten I usually know where this said item is.  But there are times when my female brain does not understand the male brain and how it works.  The 10% of the time I can't find the said item mr. hubbins is looking for has to do with a simple thing, the lack of belief that men need purses more than women do.  In my three years of dating Jonathan and now being married to him... (wow time flies, in may we will be married two years and have dated two equaling four years together... crazy thought) he loses his wallet at least once a year.  

Yesterday became a day where I learned that it is easier just to laugh at the situation than to get frustrated because as a wife being mad does not help, it just makes everyone more upset.  J loses his wallet frequently in the house and it has become habit for him to stick it on top of the fridge that is conveniently located beside our apartment door.  Well for some reason J's mind went elsewhere and he misplaced his wallet Sunday after church.  At six o clock monday morning, when morning sickness prevails on not enough sleep the last thing I want to hear is "honey, have you seen my wallet?"  I laugh at how funny this all seems now but at the time it was anything but funny.  My usual responses are: "is it not on top of the fridge?" "no I looked"  "is it in your pants pockets/ jacket pocket""(slight pause to go look)...nope not there  "did you leave it in the car?"  " but I thought I brought it in the house..."  At this point I usually smack my head in frustration and tell  J to go look one more time, this has got to be good training for when I have little kabinkies running around my house always looking for things they seem to have misplaced.  

J at this point is going to be late for work if he doesn't leave so he hurries out the door only to text me "it's not here either!"... to which I respond "I'll check here in the apartment" and then I promptly roll over and go back to sleep.  Before I was pregnant I used to be a little morning bird and I would have been up and out of  bed tearing the house apart looking for that wallet but being pregnant this becomes the last thing to think about... sleep takes over and I am out like a light until my alarm goes off for me to get up study before my exam and then run to catch the bus because I am running a little bit behind.  I prayed twice during the day that J would be able to find his wallet and both times I am prompted to tell him to search in the car and under the seats.  J says okay and I think to myself that he obviously has found it because I don't hear anything for the rest of the day.  The next thing I know J opens the door to ask, "have you seen my wallet?"  Still nothing!  I promised I did look after coming home from school but not that well.  At this point J and I are both frustrated about where this wallet could be.  Well did you look in the car I repeatedly ask... "yeah it's not there" at this point let me intervene I love J dearly but mr. hubbins looks like a guy would a quick scan and nothing to be found that is looking.  Girls take caution and care in looking they turn the house and car or any place apart looking for what they have lost.  

Now at this point I am starting to think this is looking pretty dim and mr. hubbins must have dropped his wallet and someone stole it.  I silently say a prayer in my heart to find this dang wallet and tromp out to the car to turn it inside out.  It's.... NOT THERE!!!  So I clomp back inside the house and tell J that the only thing left to do is say a prayer together and wait for a prompting to come.  So we pray together wait, and both feel that we need to go to the church and look there as this is the last place that J remembers having his wallet.  So now it becomes the hunt to find who has keys to the building.  I call the seminary teacher who promptly tells me there are rules that need to be followed and I need to find someone else to give me keys to open the building and tells me the name of the building coordinator.  Luckily, she has just had a baby and is the sweetest person ever and so we call over there, race over pick up the keys and race to the church.... Only to find a bunch of sweaty smelly missionaries and still NO WALLET... I at this point am frustrated and start to joke that when we find J's wallet I am going to buy him a leash, a gps detector, along with a man bag so we don't have to go through this hassle again.  

It is upon arriving home after having a talk about what it means to actually look for something we have lost on the Lord's terms.  What I believe this to mean is like the scriptures say about reading the scriptures we need to search diligently and I tell Jonathan that when he starts to actually tear the house apart like I did he will find his wallet.  We come home are about to sit down for supper, and right as J opens his backpack to take out his books to study.  There lies his wallet on top.  

THREEEEEEE LONGGGGG PAINFUL hours later, this wallet shows up in the five minutes J actually takes the time to look.  I think I laughed for honestly ten minutes after we found this wallet.  Heavenly Father must really have a sense of humor because even when he teaches important lessons to learn there is always something to laugh about.  If only we would have looked in the backpack that tauntingly sat right beside us as we knelt down and prayed about where to find this wallet.  

 So with all that being said, it reminded me of the last talk that was given By Elder Joseph B Wirthlin before he died, entitled "Come what May and Love it" he taught in such a loving way that we can Learn to Laugh in the trials of adversity.  As I laughed last night over mr hubbins and his wallet it reminded me of this, 

"The first thing we can do is learn to laugh. Have you ever seen an angry driver who, when someone else makes a mistake, reacts as though that person has insulted his honor, his family, his dog, and his ancestors all the way back to Adam? Or have you had an encounter with an overhanging cupboard door left open at the wrong place and the wrong time which has been cursed, condemned, and avenged by a sore-headed victim?

There is an antidote for times such as these: learn to laugh.

I remember loading up our children in a station wagon and driving to Los Angeles. There were at least nine of us in the car, and we would invariably get lost. Instead of getting angry, we laughed. Every time we made a wrong turn, we laughed harder.

Getting lost was not an unusual occurrence for us. Once while heading south to Cedar City, Utah, we took a wrong turn and didn’t realize it until two hours later when we saw the “Welcome to Nevada” signs. We didn’t get angry. We laughed, and as a result, anger and resentment rarely resulted. Our laughter created cherished memories for us."

So when trials come your way and it seems like there is nothing you can do just laugh it makes the situation so much more funny and it doesn't seem as bad as it did in the beginning.   

xs and os
Merr

Coming to Higher Ground

I have a confession to make!  I am officially addicted to blogging, I think about it all day long.  At night before I go to bed I think about what I want to include in my posts and what I want my children to know and learn from me.  I thought this was a good post to go over something that touched my heart greatly yesterday and I hope it touches yours also.

Over the last week I have felt the spirit nudge me to again come to higher ground from where I am spiritually standing.  John Bytheway, once gave a talk and I remember him talking about when we feel the spirit scolding us we need to view that scolding finger as not one that is shaking at us but one that is beckoning us to come to higher ground.  I have to admit that I am not perfect and am proud to say that I am not but I am trying to be more and more like Christ each day and with each struggle.  I wish I could say that when the trials have come in my life that I have stayed faithful the whole time through and I didn't doubt that Heavenly Father would help me though.  But as I was reading Mandy's blog, she had written about some advice that was given to her.  When she told her friend about why she was in a funk she explained it and the response was "you are in a state of rebellion" and her words eloquently sum up very much how I have felt; "I never thought of my "state" as a state of rebellion. I mean, I always thought being rebellious was about being defiant and I don't feel like I'm being defiant. My attitude isn't "who cares, I don't want to read the scriptures or pray". I know I should, but like I said before I have CHOSE not to make the time." 


I realized I was in the same boat as Mandy.  I was in my own state of rebellion because although I had enlightening moments I wasn't as dedicated to reading my scriptures and saying my prayers on a daily basis and here a little and there a little just doesn't give you the spiritual enlightenment that  I so desperately need.  It was as if the spirit nudged me just a little bit more yesterday as I was at church and one speaker was talking and the spirit asked, "am I being the best example of Christ that I should be?  Would I feel comfortable enough to share my testimony with a non-member or give them a Book of Mormon on the way that I was acting?"  


Now I have not been doing anything horrible but having a bad attitude and always questioning the Lord on why I have the trials I do based on the reasoning that I lived the best I could and I was "righteous" have not been the thoughts that should so easily creep into my mind.  But somehow when you are in your darkest moments like last week was and when you get down on your knees and prays, Heavenly Father always comes back to teach me about the importance of marriage and families and how through the atonement of Christ all things are possible.  It was as I watched the LDS movie Charly with Jonathan that I felt the spirit bear witness to me again that Christ has truly atoned for our sins that he could succor His people.  I know I share a lot of video clips but this is a testimony that was so beautifully shared about the atonement and how it really works.  The main message is short and simple but hits home hard.  If you would like to view the clip please forward to the 3:00 and watch till 5:35.  


Here is a background story about Charly and where it becomes the most meaningful to me.  Charly has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and her husband Sam has given her a blessing that she will be healed and live.  He, like me, is the rebellious one and wants Charly to live but knows that this is not the will of Heavenly Father.  She does pass away despite the anger and pleadings he has with the Lord and this is the lesson he learns and so tenderly teaches others.  *Please grab kleenex before playing if you are a cry baby like me :)*

I feel greatly and richly blessed to know that Heavenly Father or Jesus Christ don't expect us not to feel the sadness and sorrow that we do but will weep with us and comfort us in our times of trial.  I know in each of our lives there will be bad days where it feels like there is no light to the end of the tunnel but I know now without a doubt in my mind that we do not have to be happy all the time and can have those moments to mourn.  As we turn to our loving Savior and his loving sacrifice for us we will be blessed more greatly than we were before.  I promise you that Heavenly Father will not take your trial away but will teach you lessons that will refine your spirit and draw you closer to Him and that is a blessing that is worth every minute of the trial you endure.  

Smooshy Babies

" My dear sisters, do not pray for tasks equal to your abilities,

 but pray for abilities equal to your tasks.

 Then the performance of your tasks will be no miracle, 

but you will be the miracle."

-- President Thomas S Monson

I don't know why but it is always easier on Sundays for me to be able to count my blessings.  I am grateful that J took the leap of faith that we had both prayed about.  This leap of faith was something major for J but it has been something that has saved our family and we have been blessed immensely for.  J decided after weeks of consideration to drop his full time as working as a security guard in a hospital for patients who have some different needs than the rest of society.  I don't know how to put it any nicer than that, but if you want to hear how much people can snap and make crazy judgments that alter their lives in minutes, talk to J.   J since January was working a four day schedule of 12 hour days.  It took a toll on our relationship because we never got to see each other and the usual day of Sunday we had to spend together was now gone.  I ached for the days to have my husband sit at church beside me but so many members in my ward reassured me that it was the best for my family that he had a stable job but I always questioned this thought process.  Sundays were always such a special day and I missed having a family to sit with.  So when August rolled around and J was given the opportunity to take a job as a psychiatric aide on a casual basis it was something we both had to pray about and consider.

I knew that if J said that he could not work Sundays, that Heavenly Father would bless us to always be able to make the rent and bills that you deal with on a monthly basis.  Well I am grateful to say, that since J has taken this job our lives have been extremely blessed.  On a casual basis, J works as much as he would full time and while his shifts may be all over the place from working nights, days, or evenings he has never been pressured to work Sundays and I now always have a family to sit with.  

This is just one of my blessings. the next blessing that comes into my life is smooshy loving babies! I really want a baby and can't wait for the day to have my own to hold and cuddle.  Today our ward had their "ward potluck" and due to the love of the spanish people in our ward we have gotten really close with some of the families in our ward. One family has three boys, and one is just a cuddly loving baby boy.  J and I decided to help her out because her husband has been working out of town and so we took care of the baby during the ward potluck.  J and I alternated back and forth to eat and it felt like good preparation for the baby we will soon have.  

I know Heavenly Father truly knows the fears of our hearts and our insecurities because i have been nervous to have my own baby.  It does not matter that I have had over 5 years of schooling in education and child development, I am still nervous that I won't be a good mom or that my babies will not have a love for the gospel.  With this in mind Heavenly Father has started to mentally and physically prepare me.  A new mom in our ward has a baby who is just coming up six months old.  She approached me at church today and asked if I could watch her baby when her and her husband go to his work party.  I felt the Lord nudge me today and just reassure me that my baby will be okay and has been specially prepared for our family.  So we will see how my baby evening goes.  The cuddly baby I held today made me crave having my baby and just feeling such a calming peace that babies bring.   

With that being said,

This is the kind of baby J wants...

 And this is the baby I want... a cuddly sleepy baby that I can always hold in my arms

My baby is my husband's child!

I find the higher the number gets each week, the more exciting pregnancy becomes.  I have just started to experience the joys of morning sickness passing and feeling a bit back to my normal self.  I can get through the day without having to have a nap but the ten to twelve hour nights are still a must or else I wake up as sick as a dog.  This means that late nights for me are probably early nights for you.  While I stated in my last post, I am my mother's daughter, I definitely feel like this baby is J's baby!

For those who didn't know this fun little fact about me, I really love home grown tomatoes the one's that have this special taste to them but I absolutely despise ones bought from the store.  They just don't taste the same and I down them because I know they are healthy but they are not something I have enjoyed.  Well when the cravings started this week I was shocked to find out that I have been craving tomatoes like the ****ens.  Yesterday I ate two store bought tomatoes and am still craving having them again and again.  I also have been craving tomato based things like pizza, spaghetti, lasagna, anything with tomatoes but I have not succumbed to eating unhealthily yet... J loves tomato based things when I could rather live without them.

 I used to be a huge fan of salty things and sweet things and for the most part they now turn me off.  While ice cream is okay now and the thought of it doesn't make me gag I still would rather have some milk or cheese than ice cream.  It is so funny how your tastes change during pregnancy.  I am excited to see what other things I will crave in the weeks to come.

For the next part of my post I have found this topic to be quite controversial and have gotten some what for's from people when I told them my idea.
So here it goes. But I have to start at the beginning...  when I got married and moved to Edmonton I was at a loss for what to do because there were so many things to balance.  Instead of just having my weekly chores of my own laundry, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning my room, and getting my things in order; I was shocked to find I had my own place to run.  This meant planning meals on a student budget, cooking them after classes were done for the day, juggling not only my own laundry but my husband's as well, and so on.  I got lost in trying to find a balance in things that my everyday workouts for an hour took a back burner to everything else.  I am a girl that has not been blessed with the genes of a fast metabolism and I think I have rather been blessed with whatever I put in my mouth goes straight to my hips.  So after being married a year and trying to get into the swing of things, even before I myself knew I was pregnant I decided to go on a workout regime and get back into my Turbo Jam.  For some reason exercise balances me out and I feel less stressed and able to cope with the ridiculous demands from university and still function like a sane person.  

When I got pregnant my working out was again put on a stand still because of how sick I got.  I remember I would go to work and I was physically exhausted after only working an hour and a half.  Before I was pregnant I was able to do three hours which was mentally exhausted.  I remember coming up with excuses about stopping my shift early because I was so exhausted.  I used to work with a little girl who has autism and she is the sweetest thing ever but what type of work I was doing with her was always emotionally and mentally exhausting even when I was "healthy" and not pregnant.  

So, now that I am not facing the woes of morning sickness I have decided to exercise.  Jonathan and I had to clarify the terms of working out and exercising because working out connotes working with heavy weights while exercising is aerobics and all that fun stuff.  But this got me as to why people found this to be such a hot topic.  I have decided to do Turbo Jam three to five days a week to try to lose a bit of my flub and be prepared to go into labor.  When I have shared this with some friends in my ward here in Edmonton I have gotten the what for!  "Don't you know, you are supposed to put your baby first?!"  Well I thought that is what I was doing.  So I am proud to announce I have worked out three times this week.  The first week to accomplish my goal.  My goal is not to lose pounds but to lose inches.  I can gain weight because I know baby, the amniotic sac, and uterus growing all contribute to the weight but I definitely don't need the extra weight from my health choice of before.  I have researched this thoroughly and it does not matter if you lose inches in your legs or arms or hips but just not where the baby is.  There was a lady who did Turbo Jam her whole pregnancy who gained 40 pounds but also dropped pant sizes.  She said "it is not about the weight you gain, but the inches you lose" so here's to losing inches for the sake of having a healthier pregnancy and labor, and a happier baby :)

I love my baby and wouldn't do ANYTHING to harm my baby knowingly.  I have given up some loves during this pregnancy to be selfless to have a healthy baby but this is one thing, no matter what anyone says, I am going to be selfish about working out.  

I am, my mother's daughter!

So I know that it is a far ways from Mother's Day but I thought that because my momma's birthday just passed that it was important to share some thoughts about her.  One of the hardest things about moving away to Edmonton was losing the ability to see my momma on a consistent basis and hearing her voice just isn't the same.  But moving away from her has also taught me many things about myself and that I have the strength that I saw in her.  Moving away allows you to really count your blessings and be grateful for what you do have because when you don't have something on a consistent basis it becomes all the more meaningful to you.  My mother is one of my greatest treasures here on this earth because she consistently reminds me that I have a loving Heavenly Father who allowed me to be her daughter.  I ache for her sometimes when I feel that some family members don't appreciate her the way they should but I am grateful for the constant reassurance that she will be blessed for the countless service opportunities that she takes to serve them.  I really admire her dedication to serving God through church service and am blessed by the quiet strength she possesses.

I was grateful for the trials I had as a teenager that allowed me to be close to my mom, we bonded over girl time when we would watch Gilmore Girls together, unpick her braids for hours on end and the memories of hair being everywhere.  I loved the times where we would go shopping together and always find something to laugh about.  I love that on Saturday mornings I could jump into bed with her just to chat and snuggle with her and that she was always there to be a listening ear.  You are my inspiration and being pregnant really teaches you gratitude about what a mother's love means.  I am grateful that I can represent my momma because I look like her and am choosing to live the way that she taught me too.

 So even though I can't give you physical hugs and love momma I am sending all my love and admiration to you this day.  Thanks for being the world's greatest momma to me <3

Hope ya know, we had a hard time.

I was always going to try to have happy and upbeat posts for everyone to read and I have really been trying but we are just having a really hard week.  A lot of it just has to do with the stresses of life, J's hours got cut back at work and I have had the most miserable 3 days of university ever.  I know I shouldn't have the attitude why me?  But is it okay just for one day to wallow in self-pity.   When stress comes, that is when everything seems harder than ever especially a marriage.   So often I think we say the most hurtful things to the ones we love and just expect them to accept that it was a mistake and move on... but I realized today that words hurt just as much as anything else...

 I am not talking about my marriage here and just wanted to clarify because I don't want anyone jumping to conclusions... but I don't care who you are or the position you hold in work or church or anywhere... it is never okay to take your anger out on someone else.  Period.  This sums up my last three days at university and dealing with a super unprofessional type A personality professor who decided that I was the target of her anger... I've really struggled with having the drive to go to university and be married and now it just seems so much more unachievable...  Today I was told that it is super unprofessional to show up late for class because you have morning sickness... and thats when I had to say it's not like this is the plan I had for myself to get pregnant during university.... and that hurt.... That hurt as much as having to admit that life is hard and I am not perfect. This baby is a blessing and a surprise gift from Heavenly Father but the professor and her ways just really knocked me down... Summing up for a bad day and horrible professors...  just wish sometimes that the bad days would end.  So in the words of a small child told by Elder Quentin L Cook,  "hope ya know, we had a hard time."

I am not one to usually have a plea for those to help us but if you could remember us in your prayers at this time it would be greatly appreciated.

What I Wish I would have known about....

PREGNANCY!!

So we have decided to let the baby out of the bag and announce that we are expecting a precious little kabinky May 11, 2012.  It was a surprise for both J and I and know that it is a precious little gift that is coming straight from heaven.  We are excited to share this special news with you and are grateful that Heavenly Father has given us this special opportunity.  We know of many friends and family who can't get pregnant, and feel for you at this time.  Many times I have felt such an extreme sense of humbling gratitude for a loving Heavenly Father who trusts me enough to have a baby and pray often that everyone who has tried or is trying to have a baby could.  On a more lighter note here are some fun facts about what I have learned from pregnancy. 

• Heavenly Father is definitely all knowing, just being pregnant prepares you for children.  
• You pack tons of snacks for wherever you go.
• You schedule afternoon naps into each day
• You know the fastest route to the bathroom wherever you go and know that you will use it at least two times in the course of your stay.  
• Eight hours of sleep a night are long gone and twelve hours becomes a necessity
• 9:30 becomes a late night
• Tastes definitely change. Ice cream is really no longer appealing and a big glass of skim milk is a treat.  
• You actually do crave pickles all the time and everything tastes better with mustard!
• You cry over silly things like burning the eggs and you know it seems awfully silly but you cry anyways.  
• Whatever you crave is what your body needs like tons of beans, fish, oranges galore, and sugar free cranberry juice.  
• water is a staple and you drink tons and tons and tons!

So just for fun if you have any pregnancy tips please feel free to share them with us!

Love

Merr and Jonny

Once there was a snowman tall tall tall!

Jonathan had a great idea to take transparent paper and glue cotton balls onto it to make a snowman for our apartment door.  After two days of sticky fingers and fuzz everywhere we have a smiling faced snowman greeting us at our door!

After we have his face and some buttons on

 This is what I have consistently looked

like since September  School stress is 

not very pretty

 The mastermind of it all

Merry Christmas from us three to you :)

A date a week keeps the doctor away :)

I thought since posting my stand for marriages that I would use this blog today to talk about some tips I have learned that help bring marriages closer together and what has helped J and I through our most trying times.

So I have to start off by telling you that I have the best calling in the church ever!!  I am a sunbeam teacher to two beautiful spanish boys who melt my heart each week.  Each has such a different personality but touch my heart in so many ways that I can't wait to have my own exciting adventure of being a mom.  Many times I used to walk out of the primary room shaking my head at the thought that I never learn anything new but this all changed when a talk was given at general conference.  I can't remember or find the exact talk at the moment so please if you know what talk I am talking about please let me know :)  One man talked about how we can receive personal revelation and learn even by just listening to the primary songs.  I remember how hard this touched me as I listened to conference and I started to reflect on all the times the spirit had taught me throughout my calling as a sunbeam teacher.  I remember gaining the testimony of the importance of saving my marriage as I listened to the song "I love to See the Temple", I remember gaining a testimony of that whenever we were blessed with having a baby that it would be a blessing from God as I listened to the song "I am a Child of God".  

Today I had another one of those aha moments as Sister Lapine, bore her testimony on the importance of the sacrament.  I remember how she said that God does not expect a lot from us all he asks of us really is to keep the commandments (the covenants we have made in the temple) and always to choose the right.   It made me think that as we do the simple daily routines that we are blessed.  I know that reading scriptures and saying daily prayers as a couple will strengthen your relationship and bring you that much closer together and to God.  Go on dates every week and get away from the noise of the world is another blessing and sacrifice (in some cases because of money or demanding jobs) where it takes a lot of time to make a date but it is worth it.  

On Friday we made the sacrifice to take away from work and school to spend time together and leave the noise of the world behind.  When we on our honeymoon in Las Vegas now 18 months ago!  The titanic exhibition was there and Jonathan wanted to go but we ran out of time and weren't able to get around to it.  So lo and behold we were both excited to find out that it was now making an appearance at the Edmonton Science Center.  Even though it was a bit pricey we decided that it would be fun to go so we headed off to the Science Center with screaming kids and crying babies to enjoy the exhibit together. It was amazing to see how the ocean floor had perserved some of the precious items from a long time ago.  Jonathan and I talked about how beautiful the objects were made back then and how items were a treasure.  Now it seems like items are made to be thrown away and the value of precious items no longer exists.  It was so fun to go on a date to the titanic exhibit and talk about some goals and dreams that we wanted to have together as a family.  Lots of our dreams centered around owning our own house and creating a home where it reflects times of the past where items that were treasured of the past are present in our home.  

At the beginning of the titanic exhibition you are given a card that says a person who was actually on the titanic, their story, what class they belonged to and if they survived or died on the titanic.  Jonathan was a wealthy 50 year old man who was first class travelling with his family from England to New York.  I was a missionary's wife from India who was 36 travelling with my children to obtain medical help in New York for a child who was sick and had boughten tickets in the second class.  In learning about tickets we found out that a third class ticket was $40 at that time (app. $900 right now) and first class was  $4,500 (app. $41,500 I think?) It was interesting to see that people saw the titanic as a dream to a better life.  We also were able to learn that the dinner menu was something that was delightful no matter what class you were in.  Jonathan we learned died at the end of the journey and I survived.

Jonny and this Robot that was very lifelike

Very Creepy!

Look at the inside of our bodies!

Should I be able to see my heart?!

A Mock Crime Scene

Our dream kitchen hahaa!

J and M on the titanic

It was fun to see the families there and talk about some dreams for our future family.  After we had wandered through the titanic exhibit we purchased a picture to remember the purpose and importance of dates :)  We had lots of fun and have made a promise to go on weekly dates to strengthen our marriage and relationship.

When life gets you down listen to Kandee....

A while ago I came across this wonderful girl who does makeup videos on youtube.  Her life story has inspired me and I have followed her blog ever since.  I have had some judgments passed against me recently and I was feeling pretty bad about it.  Until I read this... (the text written below is all her thoughts and I have copied it onto my blog just to be able to keep it in my journal so I take no credit as to what is written)

How To Deal with Negative People

Everyone has dealt with negative people in their life. Some people live with negative people. Some people are in relationships with negative people. Some of us go to school, work, or have friends that are the negatives in our lives.

I'll tell you one thing....the negative people will always be around...BUT, the big BUT is.... you don't have to let them and their "stinkin' thinkin"...their sad way of bringing negativity to everything..their facebook posts, their tweets, their thought of the world, the day, celebrities..whoever... Imagine just how few comments their would be on facebook if no one posted negative comments, complaints, or mean words about someone or something.... most humans favorite past times..."complaining, gossiping and trash talking someone or something"... wouldn't know where to go.... or maybe just maybe would they try to say something good, kind or encouraging.. AND in the process they would realize that they were allowing more happiness and love into their lives...

The thoughts you let stay....

become the very way...

that you feel and think today...

Are you talking about the latest celebrity gossip?

Are you criticizing the way someone is dressed?

Are you venting your anger about someone instead of forgiving and thinking about good things?

I get lots of emails about this and wanted to make a video to help empower, encourage and give you a new way to deal with the NEGATIVE PEOPLE in your life!

REMEMBER:

heart ache and discouragement are the stepping stones to success..

others just stop on those stone and forget to keep walking

to success and happiness.

remember DON'T stop on those stones...

keep steppin' til you get to your success and happiness!

a few good quotes:

I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career.  I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times,  I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed.  I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. Michael Jordan "Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail."                                                                                            ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet.  ~Ancient Persian Saying

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly.  You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.  ~Roald Dahl (author of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

                                                 Eleanor Roosevelt

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.                                                        Harriet Tubman

So therefore when life gets you down listen to Kandee.  I have realized that the judgments passed against me are always going to happen so I just need to be happy with myself :)

Go have a happy successful week!

Merr

Freedom

I love that I am Canadian and live in a country where I can always feel safe, and know that I am free.  I have the freedom because of those who fought for Canada to worship who what and where I want.  I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has given me the magnificent opportunities to live in a time and place where I can go to school to live out my dreams to become a teacher and also be married.  I have finally gotten to an age where I do want to take the time to remember the past of who fought for my freedom so I can be who I am today.  

Every Remembrance Day I always think about the story of Daniel who was thrown in the Lion's den for praying.  I think about what my life would be like if I didn't have the freedom to express my love for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  I would be sad if I couldn't go to church each Sunday and partake of the sacrament and learn more about what Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ want me to do.  So this is why I am most grateful for all the Soldiers who fought for my freedom, so that I can worship Heavenly Father freely.

What Love Means to Me...

Sometimes, I have so many mixed emotions about being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  There are days where I feel so spoiled to know the truths of the gospel because I know who I am, why I am here, and where I am going.  But there are other days where I just seem to question, "why does this happen to me?"  But then the simple phrase seems to come always, "why not me?"  There have been days where I have questioned if I was married and sealed in the temple then why can't my family always be on the strait and narrow but this video simply remind us that we are in charge of our own actions.  

So what does love mean to me?

Love to me means that Heavenly Father trusts us enough to give us trials in our lives so that we can come closer unto Him.  He also has given us the most incredible gifts that he has given us here on earth, from giving us the opportunity to come to earth to receive a physical body but then He also gave us His Beloved Son.  Jesus Christ came to this earth to not only atone for our sins and the things that we have done wrong, but also he has experienced every other emotion that we have ever felt.  In Alma 7: 11-12, it states that ,

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and ^aafflictions and^btemptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will ^ctake upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

 12 And he will take upon him ^adeath, that he may ^bloose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to ^csuccor his people according to their infirmities.

I think sometimes in reading scriptures I fail to take the time to truly understand what each verse means but I know that this verse is one I have been taught to understand.  Succor means to run to aid. And just know that the Savior has gone through all that He did so He could comfort you in your times of aid, He is there to bless and comfort bout you and I.   

This gives me hope in my times of trial.  We know that one of the best gifts we are given is that we can be together with our families because of Heavenly Father's plan.  It is up to us individually if we want to get there or not.  I feel like there are many times since I got married where I have to constantly remind myself that marriages are not perfect and we can only change ourselves.  But we can know that as we turn to Heavenly Father in prayer that He will bless us with the gift of love that we are seeking and share that love with the family members we are struggling to get along with or truly understand.  Now please don't get me wrong there are times in my marriage where I feel extremely blessed but I also know that every day comes with a new struggle and trial to understand the other person.  I know though that the example that I set can change the hearts of others.  So if you are struggling and having a bad day with family members or just in general.  Know that somewhere in this big world that you are loved.  Loved by a Heavenly Father who feels your pains and sorrows, cries when you cry, laughs when you laugh and smiles when you smile.  You have a loving elder brother Jesus Christ who came to this earth to set the example so you could return to live with Heavenly Father again but He also went through the atonement so that he could understand all that you will experience in this life.  

I love this quote and I will end with it, a shattered mirror produces more light than one that is unbroken.  Just realize that the trials you experience in this life whatever they may be are ones that will allow you to have just a little bit more light of Christ and hope in Heavenly Father if you allow them to.