Just Jaamin': My rainbow on the stormy days

Quick! What's the number for 911?

How do I know?

Life as a resident manager has been C-R-A-Z-Y and more. Some days I want to quit so bad and take Jessa and run. Turn off the phone, lock the doors, close the blinds and just cherish the precious moments I have with her. I can't believe that tomorrow will mark the seven months in which Jessa has graced us with her beautiful spirit on earth. Secretly, which is not so secret anymore I still mourn the way in which she came into this world and cry when I hear mom's who had the opportunity to have a natural birth and hold their babies right after they were born close to them. Every time I hear a birth story my mind goes back to that awful room I was strapped down cut open and my baby was whisked away from me. Where no body said anything when she came out and how it was an unnatural silent. She wasn't breathing and then all of a sudden I heard those precious cries, so small and so weak but they were there. I remember the piercing stare I saw as I looked at her for the first time knowing that was not a baby I was looking at but a spirit that had come from heaven and I haven't seen that look again. I saw her in an incubator ready to be transported to a different hospital with a NICU. I remember wishing how I didn't have to do it alone because nobody came fast enough and then I scold myself for thinking that because I still have her in my arms in my life and I cherish how she always smiles when we play together and how it is mommy who she wants and can only make it better. And then I feel even more ungrateful because we were so blessed in the NICU when Jessa just consistently kept gaining weight, kept healthy, requested more food than the doctor had allowed her and how she latched so simply and easily on to breastfeed and seemed to melt so easily into me when we let her eat and do kangaroo care. We have been extremely blessed and for that I am eternally grateful.

Life as a resident manager is a job I wouldn't wish on anyone I loved or even disliked... it has been stressful trying to find the right applicants to rent to because I had many applications sent into the office only to be denied and rejected. Then one went through was approved and they decided not to move and I was back at square one but tonight I had two application finally approved after 4 months. Trying to encourage J to shovel around our site has been a real challenge too that I have faced and finally today after the umpteenth fight we had about shovelling I remembered the prompting to ask one of the tenants. I went and asked after I put Jessa down for a nap and only got done two squares just to have her cry over the monitor so I tromped over there. I rang the doorbell and she willingly accepted. I went out to check if she had shovelled tonight after putting Jessa to bed and she was amazing. She was prompt in getting it done and was so willing to be of service. Man I love that she did that for me it was a heavy burden lifted off my back and one less thing to try to persuade J that would be helpful for him to do.

So with the job of resident managing looming over my head I look to Jessa for my laughs and giggles. She has become so fun with me in the last couple of weeks and is so funny. I have noticed that just like her momma Jessa when she is tired will laugh in hysterics. So this means when I am bouncing her to try to get her to go to sleep she will start laughing and laughing. At first I was annoyed and put her in her crib to play until she fell asleep but I noticed that when I would lay down with her she would do it also. One time Jessa was fussing so I pretended to laugh at her and she laughed back. It has become a game we play before bed and nap times. Mommy laughs and Jessa laughs back... sometimes she will even initiate it which is all the more fun. Just on Sunday when we got home from Church I would pretend to bonk my head with hers and she would squeal in delight. Then one day Jessa was fussy and so I would shush her trying to get her to stop from crying but once was soothing is a game. THe louder I would shush Jessa the more she would laugh and it is another game we play before she is going to bed. With time slipping through my fingers I am starting to mourn that Jessa is having way too much fun with me and is now having to be put down in her crib to go to sleep at night. She no longer wants to sleep next to mommy she wants to play and so I make sure all her needs are met and then I plunk her down in her crib with toys. And then when I go to bed I simply lift her out and cuddle on down with her in bed. I am all about co-sleeping. A better sleep for all... well in our family anyways.

You can't tell me that this baby doesn't crack you up!