Sometimes maybe mommy should be put on timeout

Even after years of learning in university about teaching children and the developing child.. I have learned that each day I am still learning hard lessons about what it means to really truly become in tune with Heavenly Father's will.  Lately I have been exhausted... tired... and having a hard time getting Jessa to sleep without bouncing rocking swinging nursing singing and pretty much anything else you can think of.  I am not a fan of cry it out because frankly I don't love listening to babies cry and it hurts my heart knowing that a baby is crying and they would just stop if you held them.  So I researched and read about a method where you put the baby down calmly and leave the room... once baby starts to cry you go in reassure the baby and leave the room.  I did this with Jessa for probably an hour until she was so tired of waiting for me to pick her up she just cried in her crib each time I laid her down... I had read that if you pick them up it breaks the whole time you spent trying to prepare baby to be independent and so I tried to stick it out.  I stayed beside her and continually laid her down repeatedly as she cried and fussed so I rubbed her back and sang primary hymns while poor miss cried some more...  So I prayed and got the prompting that she was not ready.  Little miss J was to the point where her crying was starting to hyperventilate and so I picked her up and nursed her to sleep...  And truthfully I feel like the worst mom ever.  I hated doing that to try to teach Jessa to go to sleep on her own.  I hated that as I nursed her, my precious baby was so emotionally upset her whole body shook with heaving breaths as she tried to calm down.  Isn't there any other way of putting baby to sleep without the mess of cry it out?!  I am upset at myself because I went back and realized that it is a method of cry it out at shorter intervals.  That was not fair for Jessa or me... so it's back to the drawing board while I wallow over a cup of hot chocolate for being a bad mom.

But then as I think more about it today has been a trying day.  Jessa has decided that love biting mommy is very funny.  So today she sat in time out in her booster chair facing the wall but it sure didn't seem like a punishment as she laughed and played at banging at the wall.  I think it's just time for bed...