I have to be honest of why my attitude of gratitude day by day blog entries took a leaping halt for the past week. I am ready to take off my gloves and be honest. Lately I have been struggling with keeping it all together; since thursday I have had a melt down day after day. The stress of my job has gotten to me and the lack of support that it has left me in a panic. To top it all off I was sent a paper last week telling me that I would have to leave my baby Jessa to go to an all day 2 day course. I still am struggling with that and have had panic attacks regularly since. I can't wait to have wednesday and thursday done with becaue then the pressure, stress, and confusion about leaving my baby will be over. I am struggling so much so instead of doing individual journal entries for each day I will give my list for the past week.
Day 5: Tuesday, I was just grateful to get through the day and to be able to realize that I don't have to be strong every day. I am grateful for prayer and the knowledge that Heavenly Father hears our prayers.
Day 6:
Day 7: Thursday I am ever grateful for off branches of medicine. I love Jessa and I wouldn't trade her for the world but I have been struggling lately as Jessa has struggled with walking because she always wants to be held. Recently I had been praying about Jessa and what to do with her medically and got the answer to turn towards homeopathy. I will save my controversy for another day where I will put my thoughts out there but in talking with my homeopath I learned of different medicines that I could give Jessa. The prompting came to me thursday morning to give Jessa pulsatilla and in doing so Jessa spent the day playing and I was able to get a lot done. So today I am grateful that there isn't a one way street that Heavenly Father has provided for our bodies in terms of medicine. Jessa has been so so so good about playing by herself on the floor now and I am happy about that.
Day 8: Friday I spent almost the entire day doing laundry. To be honest I had a bad mommy moment that night when Jessa was fighting about going to sleep. I lost my temper and scolded Jessa for not sleeping. So I laid in bed with her as she tossed and turned. It was moments like this that made me question if I was making the wrong choice not to let her cry it out. But as I was trying a new method of transitioning Jessa into her own bed from co-sleeping, Heavenly Father gave me the answer I was so desperately seeking. About 2:30 am I woke to hearing Jessa choking, thankful that I was co-sleeping with her, I flipped her to her side where she proceeded to be sick everywhere... The rest of the night until 7 am in the morning. Jessa would fall asleep start to choke cough and be sick everywhere. Before that started Jessa was busy flip flopping all over the bed and I had scolded her for not laying still and sleeping. I questioned if I should just let her cry it out but I was grateful that I stayed in tune with what I had previously prayed about. Instead of begrudging the fact that I spent the entire night changing sheets, chaning outfits, and switching towels out from underneath Jessa. I cherished the moments where Jessa needed me to nurse her back to health. I realized then that life is so so so precious. There may be a day that Jessa no longer wants to cuddle me or be with me so I'll cherish the moments I do have. Babies don't last forever <3 Also I am grateful for a washing machine!
Day 9: Saturday was a day where I was grateful for Jonathan, who really stepped up in cleaning house and who took all the soiled laundry and washed it. Jonathan was so great he even let me have a nap while he kept the house running smoothily. I love my hubbins <3
And finally today I am grateful for the holy ghost. Today was the primary presentation and one of the teachers went home sick which meant that I was asked to sit with that class. As I stood up to sing the primary songs a wave of the spirit hit me and I felt happy inside and I knrew that everything I had been taught was true and I was in the right place at the right time. How grateful I am to be a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
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