Learning a valuable lesson

If I was a coffee drinker today would be one of those days where I would be sucking back the cups one after the other.  Instead I have sucked back 3 mugs of hot chocolate and it's only one o clock.  So you are probably wondering why I am wallowing in my mugs of hot chocolate?? Well lets just say last night was one of the first times I felt inadequate as a parent.  Jessa began crying from 9:30 to 3:30 inconsolable sobs that wracked her entire body.  Jessa for the one of the few times refused to nurse, she refused to put anything in her mouth.  I finally broke down at 11:30 and tried tylenol and she spit it out all over herself.  I thought she was teething and tried oral-gel on her mouth.  It didn't work and so I ended up trying a second bath... she calmed for that nursed a little and played in the water quietly and slowly stuck some of the toys in her mouth... and then as soon as we got out it started over again... inconsolable sobbing no matter what we tried and she fell asleep as I bounced her sitting on my knee.   She slept 25 minutes and woke up again scream crying in pain... what was wrong?!!

I tried letting her play, laying her down, snuggling her, rocking her... singing to her... everything and nothing... and finally at 2:00 Jonathan finally took her from me to try and I went downstairs to cool off... this was the first time I felt like the whole household was out of control... and at 2:30 I heard Jessa crying inconsolably again.  I came upstairs to find Jonathan coaxing tylenol into jessa's mouth and I took her from him and nursed her.  At 3:30 her eyelids drooped out of exhaustion.  And it began again at 6:30 and 8:30 no nap since then...  So we went for what I am guessing is Jessa's fourth bath and this time I knew I had to get peppermint tea into her tummy whatever it took.  I couldn't get her to open her mouth so in the bath as she dipped her head to drink the bath water I sneaked in some peppermint tea water... and after about 30 minutes... Jessa passed gas and a lot of it.  She is nursing again and happy... but tired and clingy...

And sleep exhaustion and depravation left me and hubbins sharing some unpleasant words and losing sight of our responsibilities on earth...  I just pray that it is the time... but I am tired and angry.  At least  can look at Jessa with patience and love and stay in control of my anger.

I was grateful for my blogger friend Jessica who wrote in the summer time about having to put down her babies who were crying and step away for fifteen minutes and let them cry as she calmed herself.  It takes more strength and power to walk away and I appreciated that I could lean on that example and know that I wasn't being a bad mom putting her down as she sobbed inconsolably because I was so frustrated.  Before I used to feel disappointed when I would get angry but I know that sometimes the best thing to do is make sure her needs are met she is safe and go calm myself before I do something regrettable.  Thanks Jess for teaching me that lesson.

Now does anyone want to go buy me another canister of hot chocolate?