Marriages are not Fairy tales or perfect but they are worth it!

So I have decided to switch up my blog a bit and allow it to be open to all viewers; I hope in this tough decision I have made I can bear a constant testimony of Jesus Christ and my beliefs. I have been hesitant to write on blogger for the sheer fact that I feel such a pressure to have a perfect blog and act like my life is perfect. But I have realized that everyone has hard times and struggles, and all bad days will and do come to an end.

I am not one to follow the stories of paparazzi, but my heart was saddened to hear this article and I have felt a constant nudging to take a stand against what was said. As many of you have probably heard Kim Kardashian after a short two months of being married has decided to get a divorce. In explaining to fans, Kim stated on her blog, "I’m being honest here and I hope you respect my courage because this isn’t easy to go through. But I do know that I have to follow my heart. I never had the intention of hurting anybody and I accept full responsibility for my actions and decisions, and for taking everyone on this journey with me. It just didn’t turn out to be the fairy tale I had so badly hoped for."

I write this letter as a response to Kim Kardashian and all others as my testimony about the sanctity and sacredness of marriage.

In starting this message I don't want anyone to think that I am trying to bash my husband or say that my problems are greater than others, or hurt anyone's feelings in writing this blog. But at the same time, I need to take a stand in what I believe in.

Many probably don't know but Jonathan and I have had our share of struggles and trials in our eighteen months of marriage. There has been many tears shed and hard times have come where both of us felt like giving up. Being married is not a fairy tale and isn't a time where everything is going to be perfect. Your husband is not always going to act like Prince Charming and neither are you always going to act like Cinderella.

In quoting Brent A Barlow, from an article published by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints he says, "Another religious leader has commented on the fairy tale, happily-ever-after illusion that many seem to have of marriage. On 29 July 1981, nearly one billion people watched on television as Prince Charles and Lady Diana of Great Britain were married. It was, perhaps, as close to a fairy tale wedding as possible. Yet, the official who performed the ceremony, The Most Reverend and Retired Honorable Robert Runcie, Archbishop of Canterbury, stated:

“Here is the stuff of which fairy tales are made; the prince and the princess on their wedding day. But fairy tales usually end at this point with the simple phrase ‘they lived happily ever after.’ This may be because fairy stories regard marriage as an anticlimax after the romance of courtship. This is not the Christian view. Our faith sees the wedding day not as the place of arrival but the place where the adventure really begins.”

The Archbishop of Canterbury also counseled:

“Marriage is first of all a new creation for the partners themselves. As husband and wife live out their vows, loving, cherishing one another, sharing life’s splendours and miseries, achievements and setbacks, they will be transformed in the process.” (Marriage Encounter, February 1982, pp. 24–25.)"

I know in my marriage times have come, where I questioned if I made the right choice because there have been moments where it feels Satan has such a strong hold on our marriage and the depths of the abyss will swallow us whole because of the trials we face but as we have humbly gotten on our knees as a couple and individually the spirit always comes back to testify of the importance of marriage and the commandments we fulfilled in getting married in the temple. The spirit also brings to remembrance that there is One who has been through it all before and feels the pains and sorrows that fill your heart. Hollywood has done such a great job of showing the fairy tale life in getting married. I wish I could express the way I am feeling but I feel that Brent A Barlow explains it so much better than I.

"Some couples become discouraged in marriage because they believe or have heard that others live their marriages in perfect harmony without the slightest indication of a confrontation or difference in opinion. While some couples may eventually mature to that level, most of us are not that skilled, particularly during the early years of marriage. In sacrament meeting shortly after Susan and I were married, an elderly man stood up and said that he and his wife had lived nearly fifty years of marriage “without an argument or even one cross word.” We were somewhat disillusioned since we had been able to maintain such complete bliss for only about the first two weeks of our marriage. We have found, too, that similar claims have been a source of concern and frustration to other married couples beside ourselves.

I am intrigued with an article dealing with this that appeared in our Church literature more than seventy years ago. In the July 1911 Improvement Era, William George Jordan wrote an article titled “Little Problems of Married Life.” He observed:

“Have you ever heard an old sea-captain boast that in all his experience he had never seen a squally sea, never a dull, heavy, storm-laden sky, never heard the tempest shriek through the rigging, and threaten to tear away the masts? His pride is in his skill, not in his luck. The matrimonial sea never remains absolutely serene and calm, with no ruffling waves for years at a time. The vital point is that the storms have all been weathered in safety and the love and trust, purified by time, remain undaunted.”

William Jordan then made another interesting observation: “In the days of courtship two may feel that they thoroughly understand each other, and that no matter how many marriages may fail their happiness together is absolutely assured. Yet courtship is only the kindergarten class of matrimony. Courtship is the preliminary canter, not the real race. It is the matrimonial shopping; marriage is the acceptance of the unreturnable delivered goods. Courtship is the joyous, sunshine launching of the craft of hope; marriage is the long cruise across uncharted seas. The two now pass under the test of new conditions; they face new problems and enter a life of finer attunement, of constant call on patience, tolerance, forbearance, concession, kindness, sympathy and wise understanding.” (Improvement Era, July 1911, pp. 787–88.)"

Then comes the fact that problems in any relationship were foretold of in the scriptures. Heavenly Father loves us enough to warn us of the trials that come and then gives us his unfaltering love to guide us through the troubled times, the lesson that always I have found that it comes back to is forgiveness. In Doctrine and Covenents 64:8 to 10, it says,

8 My disciples, in days of old, sought aoccasion against one another and forgave not one another in their hearts; and for this evil they were afflicted and sorely chastened.

9 Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.

10 I, the Lord, will aforgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

I have learned through many times of being stubborn that the only way to again find happiness is to turn the other cheek and forgive. I have learned that you can't always be right and that another person always has their agency to choose what they want to do. The best way to have a marriage that brings one of joy and happiness is to celebrate in your spouse's accomplishments, to catch them doing sweet things and thank them for their unselfishness, and try to view them as the Savior would. I humbly testify that hard times will come in marriage no matter how long or short one has been married for. The trials are not there to burden you down that you can no longer go on, but are there to build you up and refine you to the person HEavenly Father wants you to be. A beautiful woman once said to me, "A shattered mirror reflects more light than one that is whole." The trials that you face in this life will help your light shine brighter than ever before and that while trials have come in my marriage I know that Heavenly Father is proud of me for the decisions that I have made in my life and the decision to carry on even when it seems harder than just giving up.

I know that my family will be together forever and that we will be protected as we rely on the Lord.