M means Marriage

I came across this entry from my drafts.  I don't know why it was never posted or when it was even written but I felt like this sums up a lot of what has happened in our marriage that J and I have learned from.  I have so much to say about marriage but being so exhausted I feel like this is a great lesson that I have learned about marriage.  I am always learning, growing and changing in my marriage but this is a testimony of strength I have gained about marriage.  These problems are now long gone from having family member involvement but the lesson still remains just as prevalent today as it did when I wrote this beautiful post.  I have learned to remember that Satan is always trying to destroy marriages and families and he will do it through seeking out unnecessary involvement from other family members. We just had a recently married little family break apart in our ward that I mourn for because of their 2 year old son, who are ending their marriage because of too much parent involvement from the wife's side.  Parents need to encourage their children to fix their marriages, to seek the counsel of the bishop, to get counselling not be the ones paying for the divorce attorney...  I know there are special circumstances and if this is the case... take your heart and run if abuse is happening in any way... but for the marriages that are failing due to outside circumstances, misunderstandings, being unforgiving... I will state the words of President. Uchtdorf "Stop it."  And without further ado here is my message about marriage:

Now I am not trying to complain but there is something weighing on my chest that I want to get off and move on from.  I am sick today and stuffed up.  Being sick is never fun but being sick and pregnant, with no option out really is not fun.  I have come to see through this hard hard year that is slowly and quickly passing how much my life has changed.

I am so grateful to live in a time when the Lord's church is again upon the earth and knowing that the revelation that the prophet and his counsellors, and the twelve apostles receive comes straight from heaven.

One of our biggest problems from just not knowing and a lack of understanding as a newly wed couple was having too much family involvement that influenced our marriage in a negative way.  It took a lot to change the relationships between family members and it is still a learning experience that occurs each day but it was one of the greatest things J and I could do to save our marriage from a dangerous path we were being lead down by the entrapments of Satan.  I love that the church has counselled us to leave our parents and cling to our spouses because that is what the Lord intended for us to do.  I love the analogy that as much as Heavenly Father loved us when He sent us to this earth, He could not come with us and this is very much like how a marriage has to be because of necessity.

I believe your family needs to support you in the decisions you make but ultimately know and realize that it now is just you and your spouse.  They no longer can have a say in how their child runs their life individually or collectively as a family.  This was a hard lesson for me to learn because I had always sought the help of my mom and changing that relationship on both parts was a hard hard process.  It was learning that the only one who could know about my marital problems was Heavenly Father and he would direct my path to get the necessary help.  It was learning that sometimes even though your parents have the best intentions, that their advice though is loving might not always be the best for what your family needs.  It is learning that once you get married that your parents no longer get jurisdiction or the constant revelation on how to teach you because that is no longer their responsibility as a parent.  It is learning that Heavenly Father will reveal to the individual who needs the help what to do or the spouse.

In cleaning the house, I usually like to have some noise in the background because of how creepy our apartment is when I am alone.  I was one day watching Dr. Phil and he had some parents on his show who had very extreme styles of parenting, much of what I disagreed with but I always like to know how others perceive life and children especially in my pursuit to be a teacher.  Dr. Phil was talking to one mother about how it is important in a child parent relationship to spend time mothering and teaching your child, but also taking the time to be a mom where you can be a friend and allow your child to have fun with you.  It is a hard lesson for some parents to learn as their children grow up is learning when to turn off the parenting button and just be a friend.  This totally relates to when your children get married and move on in their life with their spouse.  It is no longer a time to mother or father, but a time to just be a mom or dad.  To be the support children need and desire.  I am not trying to point fault at either my parents or in-laws because both I feel have great attributes in how they have parented and lead J and I to where we are today.

But I feel like this needs to be said based on some things that have occurred over this past year,  I have learned to live and let go of how relationships were in the past and learn that sometimes the best answer is change.

I guess what I am trying to do is take a stand on marriage again and just truthfully share with whoever is willing to listen how damaging a relationship can become when anyone else other than the two spouses become involved.  It takes a toll on the marriage and can sometimes hurt potentially long lasting eternal relationships.

I have seen the difference that has come to mr hubbins and I's marriage as we truly have become team MJ and that we were the only ones who could influence the other.  There were times where it felt like we would topple down because we didn't know what to do but we always seemed to figure it out and came out stronger than before.  We learned to be each other's confidant, cheer leader, support system, the shoulder to cry on, and the friend that is needed in a marriage, and in doing so life feels good oh so good.

As J and I have had some opportunities to sit together and have heart felt conversations because the stress of school has been put on hold I shared with mr hubbins how important our relationship is.  This last year has been hard and the trials we faced are ones I would never want to have to endure again but I am grateful for the learning and strength that has come as we have worked past what has happened.  I am grateful that J and I are where we need to be and that is the best thing ever <3