Anger is Not an Emotion Part II

Remember before how I was blogging about this book that I am reading?  I am not done it but I thought I would give you an update on just how amazing this book is.  I have to be honest the communication between J and I when we were having disagreements was really bad... really bad.  We had poor poor poor communication skills and so disagreements were never a pretty sight, something I like to avoid even when I am involved.  But this book has been amazing at helping me recognize right away about what we are disagreeing about and I rarely take offence at what has been said now, and stop and evaluate why J is saying what he is saying.

So let's review, anger is not an emotion it is a reaction.  Commonly this is what I stop and think when J and I are having a disagreement, but it works with anyone in particular because even going back to previous fights I have been able to understand where they were coming from.  So here it goes.  Before you agree to fight back or disagree, take a moment and think am I angry because:
1.) I feel cornered
2.) I am trying to protect the weaker link
3.) I am trying to fight for a position in the pack

Once you have thought this through and are able to figure it out, use it to try to understand the other person and where they are coming from.
Are they angry because:
1.) They feel cornered
2.) They are trying to protect a weaker link
3.) They are trying to fight for position in the pack.

Once this becomes apparent it is really easy to stop and calm down.  J and I have had some disagreements this week and because of what I have learned they have not been a problem at all.  Instead of it being a disagreement or problem at all that we usually in the past had to agree to disagree on we are able to laugh off and come to a resolution within five minutes.  I love being more in control of myself and knowing how to think something through about why I am feeling how I am and not letting that emotion take over my body.  I'll keep you updated on the progress of how it is going but I was just excited to share that this book works and that you can be in control of yourself at all times :) Something that I truthfully struggled with in the past!