I did what?!

AND... the nightmares are back!  Nothing is helping... I know that a lot of it has to do with hormones and is very normal for first time pregnancies.  When I was looking up about pregnancy nightmares I came across the most hilarious nightmare ever.   If my dreams were that funny I would not be worrying so much. Here was the dream that caused me to have quite a giggle.  "I woke up from the anaesthesia after giving birth.  The nurse looked at me and asked if I wanted to see my babies, I was so excited that she had said babies.  But became horrified when the nurse came back carrying a basket full of kittens!" Ha Ha

I wish my dreams were laughing matters but I am almost horrified to write my dreams in here for how horrific they really are.  Last night I had dreamed that my mom was renewing her vows in a wedding but the colors she had were horrific because they were metallic purple and turquoise together and everyone was wearing huge hats like you find Black Women wearing in baptist churches.  Cale was really big and was sporting a goatee with cornrowed hair and he looked really really old like he was 50.  He was actually older than mom and was the person renewing the vows and he was wearing a pale purple suit.  This would have been a funny dream except for the fact that I found out I wasn't invited to the wedding and got really really mad.  I stormed into the wedding and punched my mom in the face!  What the heck!! I am so horrified to write this down but that is what happened.  I looked up what it means to punch someone in the face in a dream and one of the meanings is that it symbolizes power and your own ability to draw strength from within yourself.  In how horrific it was to write down what I had dreamed about last night it made me realize that subconsciously I think I have been preparing myself to be a mom and have to rely more on myself.  In being three hours away from my mom when my baby is born and while I will have her help for the beginning of baby's life I will have to make it on my own.

I know that with other occurrences happening within my family that my mom will not have the time I wish she had for me.  I am happier that I wrote about my nightmare and was able to think it out for now I don't seem so horrified of what happened and know what my subconscious was trying to tell me.  I promise you I won't punch anyone in the face ever... but I think this might mean that I need to get back to doing my Turbo Jam to release the pent up anger I may have suppressed. Ha Ha!!