I have to admit that I have felt so lost after finishing this semester of university. I had spent much of my time either researching, writing papers, studying for exams, or helping J with all three for his classes. When my last class finished on the 20th, I felt so lost and checked my email about 5 or 6 times because I kept expecting another assignment to pop up or something. Yesterday I didn't know what to do with myself and so I was grateful when two different activities emerged so I didn't feel so lost or not know what to do with myself. I want to save the best for last and so here goes my adventure yesterday,
Tuesday evening rolled around and I had my visiting teachers come and visit me it was nice to have the interaction and know that one understood pregnancy and all the emotions that come with it. I love the church and having this support, because it is like built in friends. I haven't gotten to the point where I feel like my visiting teachers are my sisters but I do know that I can count on them for anything I need. After my visiting teachers left, I noticed that there was a voicemail left on my phone so I listened to it and learned that my friend and her husband wanted to go to the temple and were wondering if I would be able to watch their seven month old daughter. I wouldn't have to play with her for long because 7:30 is usually around bedtime so it was just having someone to come and be in the house while she slept.
This was a blessing in disguise because I have been nervous about having my own new born and not knowing what to do and I know that a 7 month old is way different than a new born but it provides you the experience that you need to feel a little bit more confident that you can do it. I remember nannying and feeling like if I was a mom I could hopefully accomplish some university work while staying at home and I am hoping to do just that. Last night seemed to breeze by but when bed time came it became a little frustrating. Ms. J told me that in order for little K to fall asleep it was important to just let her cry it out because she cried every night at bed. She said give it 20 minutes and let her cry it out. Now this is very hard to do because it breaks your heart when a baby cries and sounds like all is wrong in the world. But Ms. J is the parent and so you respect the decisions. Now little K is pretty smart because I noticed that in her cryfest that she would stop if I was walking around to see if I came in. I folded after 15 minutes and went into the bedroom and picked up little K, I tried to rock her and she screamed, I tried to sing to her and she screamed, I tried to stand up and bounce her when she screamed and so I did exactly what Ms. J told me to do. Put her in her crib and let her cry it out. But the interesting thing is that little K's face was not wet with tears when i went to go pick her up, she just is scream crying because she wants to be out of her room where the action is going on but is too tired to keep her eyes open. So my lesson learned is don't judge other parents' techniques because they know their baby and family situation of what is going to work and keep them sane and also not put their baby at risk. I personally don't like cry it out because I feel frustrated but I could only imagine what it is like to have a baby scream night in and night out because she just doesn't want to sleep. Super frustrating!
Now here is the part of my life where the juicy details come pouring in. I finally after a month of waiting got to meet my gynecologist for the first time. Dr. DL is originally from Cuba and so he is a doctor that knows spanish and english and he is so kind and patient. He is willing to answer any questions and concerns you may have about your pregnancy. He expects you to ask questions, to admit when you don't understand and he doesn't down play your feelings at all. It is was interesting to meet Dr. DL because I was thinking that because my gynecologist was a man that I would feel uncomfortable but yet I felt right at ease when I talked to him. He asked me the routine questions and asked me a little about myself and my husband. He was super respectful when I told him that the reason I had never gotten a pap smear before was because me and my husband had saved ourselves until marriage, and he understood. There was no downplay of disbelief, he just accepted what I had told him. It was funny because I try to be healthy and even though I am overweight and not at my prime weight to have a baby, I still try to do everything in my power to have a healthy pregnancy. Dr. DL asked me if I smoked, or drank, did drugs that he shouldn't know about but was going to tell him I was doing so he could know (while he nodded his head profusely), and some other series of questions. I laughed as the answers were all no and so he went through the questions quicker and quicker. After he was done, he looked at me and said very seriously, "so the only doctor's advice I can give you, is wear your seatbelt, it saves lives." I laughed out loud and laugh every time I think about it. Dr. DL seemed to trust that I was telling him the truth and he was happy about my results. Dr.DL asked me what I did for a career and I said that I was in my last year of university finishing up my elementary education and he asked me if I was going to have to stop to have my baby, I think for a semester I will but I am bound and determined to finish even if it means doing university work on the computer or through distance learning. I will finish I am determined. Dr. DL seemed impressed by this and asked what my husband was doing for his career, I told him that J worked at the hospital as a psychiatric aide and this seemed to please Dr. DL he was over-estatic with joy and looked at me with wide eyes and said really!!! You guys are a bunch of professionals and I am so proud of you. It was nice to have someone be proud of the accomplishments you make in your life and tell you how they feel it was really nice. The last part of my meeting with Dr. DL I got to hear my baby's heartbeat for the first time. It was such an amazing experience and you feel closer to your baby than ever before. Dr. DL found the heartbeat right away and it sounded like horses galloping. It has become my new favorite sound and if I could listen to my baby's heartbeat all day long I totally would it is the most calming sound in the world. I had to hold it together and not cry but for one point in my life i felt pure bliss and joy. It was a moment when I knew that Heavenly Father was entrusting me with a precious gift from heaven. One that I have the responsibility to raise and protect and I am ready for the challenge. I worry that I won't be able to give my baby the best but I know he will have all that he needs. Now I don't know the sex of the baby but as soon as I heard the heart beat I felt like it was going to be a boy. But we won't know for a while but instead of refering to my baby as an it we lovingly will refer to baby as him or he.
The one last thing that I really appreciated about Dr. DL is a question he asked and the respect that was given to the answer I gave. He had asked me if me or J wanted to have the test done where we wanted to know if our baby had down syndrome or not. Mr. Hubbins and I had discussed this previously and they usually do this test and if the baby has down syndrome you have the option of aborting your baby. Well J and I decided that we would accept our baby whether he was typically developing or atypical. So I said to the dr that we didn't want to find out because we would love our baby however they came. And Dr.DL accepted that no questions asked and just repeated, you'll love them no matter what.
But even with not accepting that test I don't fear my baby's health because when J gave me a blessing for my pregnancy the most calming assurance came that I would have a happy healthy baby. And I know this is true. I know that my baby will be just as God intends him to be and I am okay and ready for whatever lessons the Lord has to teach me.
I know it is really neat to hear a baby's heartbeat and while you can't hear my little one's I found one on the internet. This heartbeat is a lot faster than my kabinky kaboo but it still is one of the most amazing sounds I have heard and will always enjoy to hear.
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