So I am right in the middle of studying for my last exam... I had one yesterday and only 24 hours until the next one so I am trying to cram as much information into my little brain as I can before the exam comes. Lately, I have been having a really rough time. It seems like when people have done something to hurt me, the people closest to me just expect me to forgive and move on because "I am the bigger person", and just place it behind me. But sometimes, I feel like no one is listening to how much I am hurting. How much pain I have had to endure and yet the answer is well you're the bigger person... I know I am supposed to forgive but it seems like no one is willing to address my feelings and tell me it is okay to feel that way, and because I "am the bigger person" I need to just get over it. I am so over everything now and feel like you win and I lose, I hope you're happy. Apparently, it's okay to be stepped all over, abused, and talked down to because "I am the bigger person".
I hate it you know. I hate that I have been treated so badly and the justification is there for their actions and no understanding towards how I am feeling. I feel like I stand on my own being tossed to and fro in the wind and the people who I thought cared about me the most, just stand there to watch idly willing to do nothing as I struggle against the wind. I am so sick of justifications and I hope to never do it to my children. Sometimes you just need someone to say hey I am so sorry I didn't realize that instead of being told that I hate a person when someone is spreading gossip or hate when they don't even know the full story.
A little boy who I recently listened to said "Life is hard move on" and I plan on doing just that. If you treat me badly and swear at me refusing to invite my into your house, if you accuse me of hating someone when they are spreading gossip which is so far from the truth then so be it. They will stand accountable before God for their actions and I am washing my hands clean of their maliciousness. Life is hard just move on, right? Well that's what the people who are supposed to love me say so fine I am over it but don't expect me to come crawling back to be hurt repeatedly. I'm sorry but I guess I'm just not that perfect and I am okay with that.
1 comment:
Forgiveness is a complicated thing. Many times I've brought this up in Sunday School class or whatever......
But slowly over the years, I've come to realize that many are confused about forgiveness. They feel or have been told that we are commanded to forgive, so we must forgive and forget. Well....half of that is true. We HAVE been commanded to forgive {so that WE are forgiven of our sins when the time comes}.....that part is true. However, we have NOT been commanded to forget. No no. It's that part that is causing confusion.
We MUST remember from ours AND others mistakes. Otherwise how will we learn from them? How will we know when and where the danger lies? It's only the LORD who has said that HE will forget--- IF we forgive. But we must -remember.
If someone has repeatedly hurt or torn apart your relationship....sometimes it's best to not go out of our way to be around them. Sometimes we MUST remember to protect ourselves. Trust is a HUGE thing. Trust broken....can be sometimes very damaging. Depending upon the situation....sometimes it's best to forgive someone....and then move on.....as in move away from the relationship.
Sometimes.
Sometimes in a marriage, you do what you can to work it out and fix it.
But in other cases.....sometimes it is best to not work at that relationship that is toxic to you and to your spouse and children. Sometimes its just best to move on.....figuratively and literally. We must do what we can to be where the spirit is. And sometimes that means staying away from those who can't seem to let the spirit be there in our daily interactions with them. Contention is of the devil, after all.
Did that make any sense?
Maybe this didn't help at all.....and maybe you weren't asking for any advice. Just know that I can feel your pain and frustrations. I know how hard it is. Hugs!
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